more art stuff again...

All of my art work is framed and ready to go for the exhibition. I will be setting it up on Friday, late afternoon. I have my little cards with the titles, prices and description of the media used for each piece. I am excited to finally get it going! This show and selling my work and displaying it is really not the important part of art to me. Yes, recognition is nice and I sure could use the money. Art is in the doing. No, art is not an escape into another reality to avoid life and all of it’s little quirks. Creating is not a drug that numbs the pain. Creating is a heightened state of awareness. When I am drawing or painting or playing my guitar, I raise above my troubles and thoughts. I look down on them from a different perspective. One that allows me to see they are small and insignificant in compression to creating and life and the Big Picture. I have a friend who has this nice saying she puts in her e-mails. “Do not tell God how big your problems are, but tell your problems how big God is.” That is how doing art and creating is, when I am not creating, my problems seem bigger than life, but when I am doing art, they are much smaller than life and God, just like they truly are anyway. Perhaps then, art is the true reality.

Happy Easter everyone!!!!

In Eastern Europe, that will be tomorrow, or in a about 15 hours, Easter Monday. I am told by my Ukrainian friend that this is just another holiday for men to drink. We have plenty of those type holidays here. Easter has not been much of drinking holiday for me or my family. All of the other holidays were/are, but not usually Easter. There was a point in my life that everyday was a drinking day and any excuse to make it a bigger drinking day was not only welcomed, but highly sought after. There has been no drinking for me in 15 years, 2 months, and 27 days. Easter to me is more than just the recognition and celebration of the Resurrection of Jesus. Oh, yes, it is very important to me and all of us to remember this very significant day and the great sacrifice Jesus made for all of us. As with Jesus, this is a time for rebirth and new beginnings. Everywhere is seen symbols of Spring. In my opinion, Spring should be the New Year, not January. To me, it is only logical because Spring is the time for rebirth and new growth. The Earth, on this Northern half anyway, comes out of it’s dormant stage from the harsh winter weather and begins to grow. This time of the year I view as a time for me to start a new year. Last year, I made some huge strides in my personal growth. Need I say more? Now, with my new knowledge and my “realization,” I am hoping, praying, and expecting more this year. For those of you who know me, this means money and more importantly, a need for more personal growth and to find healing and growth through love. Love from a companion, a woman, a lover, wife and best friend who is all one in the same. Perhaps, all in one for now, at this exact moment in my life, is not feasible, but some of those in different others to help me heal and grow so that I can be ready to be with my “Her.” The other day, I heard the statement, “When the pupil is ready to learn, the teacher will appear.” I feel I am ready for my teachers.
"Dear God,
Please, bring to me huge successes with money this year and every year after. Please, continue to allow me to learn and grow. Please, bring to me or take me to my one True Love.
Thank You, God!
Thank You!!
Thank You!!!
Thank You!!!!
Amen"

"Stress and Pain"

The power of the mind over the body for me is a fascinating subject. After my “realization” recently (please, see the bog below “Realization”), another was made. Most of us have physical expressions of our stress. For me, I am the type of person who “holds” their negativity in their stomach. My first serious trouble was when I was in the 5th grade. Since then, I have developed 3 ulcers, acid reflux and loads of severe heartburn that has kept me up nights. Until recently, I had little to no help in controlling the heartburn other than a “baking soda shooter.” Now, with the new over the counter quality meds, I have relieve. About 6 months or so ago, before this recent “realization” I was having no troubles with my stomach. I thought is was due to the Prilosec, which works wonders by the way. However, I was just avoiding my stress and I was not addressing it in a healthy manner. During this time, I was having some very bad back problems. My lower back was so sore and stiff at times that I could not get dressed. Tying my shoes was an adventure, as was bending down to pick anything up. Even putting on my boxers was a chore. Sleep was lost. Getting in and out of bed or a chair or the car, even setting for short periods of time, was painful. All of the exercises I knew to help only relieved the pain temporarily. Sometimes, exercise made it worse. That same morning of the “realization,” the back pain was gone! In college during “Abnormal Psychology,” we learned about medically documented cases of just how powerful the mind can be over our bodies. There is/was a person who has/had "Disassociative Personality Disorder" (formally known as multiple or split personality) who in one personality had cancer. They had x-rays proving this, they had all the symptoms, and were being treated for it. However, when that person switched to the other personality, no cancer! It could not be found by medical means! No symptoms! That is amazing to me! I guess my situation is amazing as well. At least it is for me. I am very grateful for the relieve and the knowledge.

art show and stuff

The two frames below need some eye-hooks and wire to hang them with on the back. The rest are completely ready for the exhibition! I have 21 pieces, if those 2 are counted separately. The ladies are not for sale. For all of the other pieces, I need to start writing the little cards up for them. I bought some fancy paper to print them on and I will start writing them up tonight. Still seems odd to me that the time has gone by so fast. I feel a little more confident in my pricing now after seeing what some of the others sell theirs for at the YMCA and other places. A few of the pieces that are going in, I do not really want to sell or in other words, I would be happy to keep them so they have a little higher price. I do not want to go too high so that people can afford them if they really want them. There will be a reception on the 28th of April. That is when I am to collect the money and give out the pieces. The reception will have invitations and I need to get a list going. I am finding that I want to do more shows now. This is a new feeling for me!

This lady had some shadowing added under her chin and lips and around her hair line. You may notice that all 4 are in the same mat board frame. I used a 32' by 40' full sheet of mat board and cut out the 4 spots for the ladies. The frame is also 30' X 40' so I had to reduce the mat board by 2 inches.  

This lady had some more shawdowing added under the nose and the lips and on the dragon.  

The green lady re-worked and matted. I sprayed her with fixative and then added on one color of green and some white. I tried to soften her up a bit, too.  

The other 4 ladies together. Again, this was my only choice for a frame this size unless I went with a custom built frame. That would cost more money than I can afford right now. I think they look very good. The other choice was a black or a dark red. I think this way, with the natural wood, that the frame is less distracting. I would have preferred they had no frame at all becuase it restricts them.  

The red and blue lady together. I am not sure this is the best frame possible. This was the only kind I could find that was big enough for the 4 ladies together. This one matches the other.  

She is matted now. She is also framed with the red lady and ready for the show. 

Art stuff… exhibition

Two weeks from today, I will be setting-up for my art exhibition at the YMCA!!!!! To think that it was August of last year that I was offered and first signed-up! That day, it seemed a very long time to come. Now, looking back, the time has gone by so very, very fast! Right now, I am excited, yet, I am not nervous or worried. Maybe this is because it is my first solo show and I am naive to unseen things that may or may not occur. For example, if I knew that I will make a lot of money or this is going to open many doors for me, I might be overly critical of my work and make a mess of all of them. I just feel calm and confident inside. It has already opened doors for me. There is no pressure to sell. If I was a professional artist and depended on my art, then… well, I would have a different perspective. Oh sure, I am in a extremely bad way now for money, but I am surviving. I have a day job, well, 3 actually, 3 very part timers for now. A big part of this nice feeling is that I am familiar and comfortable at the YMCA and with the people there. I have had a chance to get familiar with the process and to know the people who work there. So, you may be asking, am I ready? All but one piece. I ordered frames for my woman/dragon serious. (yes, I see all 6 drawings as one piece) One is large enough to put 4 of them in and the other 2 will be together. Same type of frame. I redid the green lady. (photos pending) She had too many mistakes and I noticed there was 3 different greens on her. Someday I have it in mind to use multicolor and do them again. Hey!! new name: “Lady/Dragon” serious. Yes, much better. These are ladies. Okay, so I need to put them in a matt, using my new fancy matt cutter, then frame them. It will take some time, maybe about 4 hours. The frames are scheduled to be here today. I just checked the FedEx tracking site and they left Henderson, Colorado at 2:49AM this morning. I do not know how far that is from here or if they will get here today. These ladies are NOT for sale. I made a contact that can make reproductions. I am not sure what the cost would be. That can be a back-up just incase someone is extremely interested and just has to have them. Other than that, I need to go over each piece, right down a name and a price. I have to make my own information cards about them, so that is next. Also, check them out, see if anything needs to be done, any last minute touch-ups. The past few days or so, I have been doing some planning for the set-up. I have in mind where some of the pieces should go and on which walls and who is sitting by who. Is this FUN?!!! I am having fun! This will be a fun weekend for me.

Yeah!!!! With a little help from Bob Marley today, the last layer of gouache. Eyelashes mostly, giving her a much better look, oh and the girl too :-))Shadow details added on the hair line and a few other places there and here. Tape removed, no more spraying. Is she done? It is signed after all. That is kind of an issue for me. I am not so concerned about my name being on it, yet, it should be. So, I try to find a spot that is not so obvious. A frame is coming, as is matt board. She will hang on the wall above my bed for a short time and then matt board will be added. 4 of the ladies, green, brown, orange, purple, are going in one frame together. This lady and the red one will be in another. All will go into the exhibition April 1st. Next step, looking and waiting. If nothing needs added, then matted and framed.
 

Finally, more pastels added on after the fixative. Smoothed out and mostly white added. Lots of fine lines were used on the hair for detail. Shadows added on the eyes, on the hair line, and many other places. This took less than ½ an hour. By the way, through most of this project, I have listened to the new Green Day, “American Idiot.” Today, I went with a little KC & the Sunshine Band. Oh yes, “I am walking contradiction.”
 

"realizations"

Please, excuse me, I speak about this a lot on here. A few nights ago I had some further insight that is important to me. Please, permit me to share. I have been ill since Friday and it is now Wednesday. Yes, I have been to the doctor and apparently I have the same influenza as the others here. This flu is some pretty ugly stuff. Monday, after the doctor and the “couple” below, I came home, took the first dosage of antis and soon felt much better. Normally, an illness this intense has a weakening effect on my mental state, as it does with most others. This time for me, it has not happened in the usual manner. In fact, although my chest hurts from coughing, all of my muscles ach and I am unable to do nearly all of the things I like to do. (For example, finish the little art project we have going here. The Blue Lady is patiently looking back at me near my bed. She is telling me she will require very little effort to “complete.”) In spite of my illness, I am feeling in good spirits. However, after trying to get back to sleep early Tuesday morning, I became frustrated, then my former angry resentful self. Thoughts of money were filling my head. It appears that I can not catch a break. The trip to the doc and the antis set me back $250. Yes, I am like an ever increasing amount of American’s, without insurance. I have now lost 3 days wages for a total of $290 net. I am already way too far behind and I have bills I can not negotiate for latter that are do very soon. At some point during my early growth and learning in the past 15 years, I promised God and myself I would do God’s Work and ask for nothing in return. It seemed only right. However, we all know that rewards wait for us in the next life for our hard work now. We are preparing ourselves a place that is far more comfortable, lovely, kind, and “higher” than some others. In death, in the afterlife, people like us who “work for God” we will be some of God’s “highest” Angels/Sprits and continue helping and doing so with tremendous strength. Maybe we will not even have to do anything but enjoy our positions. We are all doing God’s Work, but as I have mentioned before, is it the solution or the problem? Also, I see this as a chance to pay-off any negative Karma I have built up from this or any life time and a chance to not have to come back. Many people who I talk to this about say they want to come back and continue learning here. I want to NOT come back here to this dimension but to move on to the next level and learn and evolve there. That is perhaps one of the things that kept me from suicide. I do NOT want to come back here! Between my previous life time and this one was about a 60 year gap. I spent that time helping from the other side. That is where I think I should be, that is where I know I should be! I want to go back. That has to be earned. This time, when I return, I will have better understanding. At any rate, after acting like a spoiled little brat and a victim for about 2 hours, screaming, yelling, cussing at God and all of the “Spirits” who came by, I came to “realization.” As I have mentioned, in the last 5 plus years, my life has been the worst ever. All of my work after I quit drinking and began to focus on my spiritual and mental self seemed to accumulate into meeting K. For that 18 months, I was living my “reward.” Then, it all stopped and up until the past year, everything stopped working for me. All that I knew was gone. All of my tools broken and scattered about. It was a total “loss” and now a “rebuilding.” Looking back now through this “realization,” I can see now that on some of those things, I was naive. Not so now. Now, I have been forced to question those things I did not before and choice to blindly accept. Finding the new formula has been tough. Last night, though, I “realized” that my “reward” time with K was limited. I had limited myself and restricted myself to minimal successes. For example, with my art. I used to feel hindered, like I could not create, if I was to sell my stuff. Now, I understand that I can sell it and not be "all about the money." There can be both and not one or the other. People are going to like it and want to buy it. People will not like it. I never used to worry about if any one liked it or not and thought that would be an issue in selling my stuff. Now, I see selling it as compliment or a “reward.” Art is in the doing, so if I never sell it yet I like it and I got my needs meet doing it, then I have already succeeded! If I am going to get out of here, get my own place and my own car and a life, I need to accept that what I am doing can come with money. Asking God to “reward” me for my work with money here in this human place is not “wrong” like I thought before. If I have to continue living here in this place, in this dimension, then I need earthly things. I deserve those things! I will get those things from my work and not just some minor amount or barely enough! I want to make a lot of money doing what I love and not JUST be satisfied with doing it. I can still do God’s work and receive God’s “rewards” and get money too. This has been tough for me to learn. Yes, of cousre, I need to remain humble. During that time of learning growth before K, I knew what my path was and followed it. After K, most of it has changed. More actually like evolved into something different, yet in the same field on the same path. For example, I thought that one day I would have my own clinic, my own “shop” that helped others. I thought I would be doing it through psychotherapy. Now, it is through helping those who are disabled. Still in psychology, still helping and I can still use my “gifts” to make it better and my more effective in helping them. I have already begun. I have my certification and my first client. As long I as I remain patient and flexible and stay on the path, it should work-out to be a large place, or a “shop” or clinic. Many things can happen.

It has been a long hard road.

Last night, I asked God to help me find my way to this and to money.

Today’s styles

Just when did it become “cool,” no, not cool but normal, average, everyday attire to appear like a criminal?
Before I go any further, I would like to remind you or encourage you to read one my previous blogs titled “Letter from a Russian Dating Site.” This will give you some insight on what I am saying here.
I have been ill with a nasty flue for 3 days now, so maybe my perceptions are slightly altered at this time. Maybe I do not know all the points of views with this. I do have my own, though. I just left from the doctor’s office and stopped to fill my anti’s. As I entered the place, a young couple entered in front of me. I am not real good with ages, so I do not want to guess. They looked younger than my son who is 16. The guy yells out to a customer leaving, “She’s my girlfriend.” How nice for you, guy, but I feel very sorry for her. Secretly I wished he would have said that to me so that I could have given him my opinion, but I barley had energy to get my prescription let alone for a futile argument with some idiot kid. You never know, he might pull out a gun and “cap me.” So, I got my anti’s and grabbed a OJ for the extra C. Besides, OJ is the only thing that tastes half way decent right now. I get to the check-out counter and they were next in line in front of me. If the guy's loud and obnoxious voice was not enough, his comments to her clinched it for me. He very loudly called her a “dirty whore.” Maybe that is a joke these days. Maybe she likes it, I do not know. At that moment, it just sounded wrong to me. If he was trying to offend me or prove his worth in the World by being a tough guy, he failed. Why is ignorance so "cool?" To me, even using those words in the bedroom sounds offensive. Just me, though. I do not like to degrade women. Then, their attire become a focal point for me and I recalled that letter from Russia. They were both wearing gym clothes, “sweats.” His were dirty, hers were white and matching. Maybe they just got out of the gym? He had his head shaved, and they both had tattoos on their necks. I have nothing against tattoos, I have 3. Her was large letters in Old English style lettering, commonly known as “gang” tattoos. The tattoos were quality work and did not look like they were done with an ink pin in “county.” His had lots of color very obviously not from “county.” For some reason, they both repulsed me. Their look screamed "Poser" to me. Not like I have not seen this before and known some of these kids. I worked with them in a hospital situation and tried to make a difference with them by being understanding. None of them invented rebellion, not even some of their parents are old enough of that. Judging by this girl’s shoes, her very heavy make-up, her “designer” name clothing, her cell phone, and her car, she is not fresh out of “juvie” like she wants people to think. She is just following fashion. I grew up in the 60’s and 70’s. Our motto back than was never trust anyone over 30 nor anyone with short hair. Despite all of my best efforts, I am now over 30. Oh, I still have the hair. Well, not so much in the front these days. In my heart though…. The kid’s call me an old hippy. They are right about one thing, I am old. Give me the old days when green Mohawk’s and tattoos of chainsaws on the side of your head ruled! Give me back black leather jackets with spikes and spiked collars and safety pin lip rings and “The Ramones“ and “Wendy O Williams!” That was rebellion!! That was PUNK! My parents hated my hair. I did not grow it to rebel, though. I grow because it is who I am. I wore bell-bottom jeans and tie-died T-shirts. I am sure when I was standing in line somewhere back then, some guy hated my clothes and my hair. Was I just following fashion? Maybe. That was all they had at K-Mart and all my parents could afford to buy for me. I made my own shirts. Who am I too judge? I can not, but this fashion fad of the “gangster” look does not appeal to me. It looks hypocritical on rich white kids. Rich white kids have always seemed to ruin it for everyone else. Back in the day, we called them “Posers.” Maybe those kids will never have to worry about it, yet, I am wondering how a 30 year old man gets a good high paying job with gang tattoos on his neck? Same for a female. Maybe I am the hypocrite here. My son does not like these type girls or guys or the look or the music. Thank God for that!!! (I only call it "music" out of respect because Rap is NOT in my opinion.) That couple was definitely showing their rich kid’s rebellion and less obviously their lost little children inside. Sorry if I offend anyone with this. It is just my opinion.

Fixative has now been sprayed onto the piece. I put on 3 layers. As you can see, there has been some loss of material/media. Pastels powder and the force from the spray scatters it. The force is not strong and after time when the piece is moved around, it will lose that light layer anyway. It is a good idea to "blow" some of those layers off first. The bottom layers are what is now showing through. The fixative tends to darken the media as well. Mostly what is lost is the lighter values or the white. This problem is associated mostly with chalk pastels and not other drawing or paining media. If this was pencil, there would be very little noticeable difference if any. More layers of pastels will be added. 24 hours is usually need to give the fixative sufficient time to dry. Next step is more pastels, mostly white.
 

Pastels have been added on now. Several light layers and a few thicker ones. There is a limited amount of layer that can be done. The chalk begins to “gum up” or mix into a neutral or “mud” color after too many layers and it will not be "workable" anymore. More layers can be added but it will not produce anything but more "mud." Therefore, the picture needs to be coated with a few layers of “fixative.” Fixative is similar to varnishes in that it holds down the media and coats in a protective/fade-proof layer. Pastels tend to not adhere well and the fixative holds it down. Fixative is different from varnish or other coatings in that additional layers of pastels or other media can be added on over the top. With varnishes, there is a slick surface that will not allow anything to adhere to it. That is varnish's purpose, to protect and to allow it to be cleaned without removing any of the art work media. Next step will be a few layers of fixative.
 

Working in the field of psychology, I meet many interesting and different types of people. Some are “clients” or those who I am helping and those who are “staff” or those who are doing the helping. Sometimes, their is not much difference between us. Sometimes, often actually, we are the learners and they are the teachers. For most of these people, I have developed love and respect for them. On a few occasions, I have met some that I felt a certain type of love and respect that would led me to wanting to date them or more. Seldom as it been a “client.” Of course, a profession distance needs to be maintained. When I worked at the hospital, I met a few women who had great potential to be great humans. Hard for a person like me to not be attracted to that. Please, keep in mind that I would never act on those feelings because it may have damaging effects to both of us. Therefore, "clients" are off limits to dating for me. In the past, I felt is was important for me to have a partner who had similar issues to mine. I felt that she would better understand me and I her. I felt that we could learn and grow together. Recently, I have learned that this will not work. The growth only goes so far until one or the other regresses or just simply moves in different directions. My issues are in my past, although they do creep up and remind me from time to time. I deal with them now, quickly if possible, and do not live with them or wallow in them anymore. When working with women in crisis shelters, there is a high percentage who never get out of their issues or cycle. Millions of dollars and work hours are spent in futile efforts only to see her return to her abuser or to the same type guy. This is not only very frustrating, but also very sad. Many do get out and this makes the efforts that much more rewarding. Recently I met a woman who I have had very little actual personal interactions with, yet, though observations and testimonies of others, I came to know her. I saw her as "staff," as part of the solution. I was told she had been with “the wrong type of men” in her past. You know, abusers, cheaters, junkies, the type of insecure ignorant man who thinks that violence is not just the answer, but a way of life and the only answer. I understand both sides of this. I understand why they both act in the way they do. As we have all heard many times, if we are not a part of the solution then we a part of the problem. I saw this woman as part of the solution. I was told she is a nurse and a physical therapist. Okay, part of the solution, in that way. She wanted to get out of her cycle, she wanted a nice guy or so I was told. “Great," I thought, "I can possibly help her out here. I could at the least model directly or indirectly health male/female interactions. Maybe I can have some of my needs met as well.” Although I knew this was not in my best interest, I opened my heart to her. In the past, I have dated woman like this before. They all spoke endlessly about how bad their ex was and how bad her life was with him. Then, after a short period, they returned to him. Some have even said, “You are too nice, Tim.” I am not really sure exactly what that means, but my answer can be, “Well, then, you are not worthy of my love.” They have moved from "staff" to "client." In other words, I used to respect them for their efforts, and now, I pity them for their lack of efforts. For me, I want to have some sort of acknowledgment that I have worked hard to be who I am sometimes. That comes from God and from within. I have found that some people are not capable of allowing us to change and grow. They can only view us as the “old person.” That is why we can not "hang-out" with our old friends after we quit drinking or using drugs. That is why we have to move on to other parts and places and people. Sad, yet so true. Of course, in time, those people may change, then again, they may not change. My intuition told me she would do this as the others in my past, but I wanted to give her (and the others) the opportunity to grow and to change and to learn and at the same time, know that they can have love. The other day, this new woman gets right back into her cycle. I was very disappointed, yet, not surprised. It is very hard and tons of work and at times, I do not want to do it. The hard fact is, a person will need to spend some very long and lonely hours all by themselves to heal and grow and move past the cycle of abuse. Most people do not want to be alone. After I let go of my disappointment and I saw her again, I noticed that I see her differently now. I do not see a beautiful intelligent woman who I respect and want to love, but a lost little girl who I pity and want to help. Although it was very difficult for me at that moment to watch her regress, I am now grateful that I witnessed it from a distance and did not experience the pain of her dumping me to go back to her ex or to tell me I am too nice. Then, I began to ask God why the “wrong” woman is in my life and not the “right” one. Timing is the answer along with the unanswered. I feel sadness for her, yet, I understand why. I can not love a woman like this in way that would be a healthy long term relationship, but I can respct her and love her that way if she is out of her cycle.

The gouache has been added. The opaque watercolor is able to cover the bottom layers needed for details. It also makes darker lines for details and shadows. Note that there are no eyelashes yet or shadows. These will be added on after the pastels are down to provide depth and 3 dimensional effects. The white areas will need to be redone after the pastels because they powder and dust the white. This can be a good thing, however, it is often times too dark. More details and work will be done after the pastels are added, which is the next step. For now though, I will need to study it for awhile before proceeding. This will set near my bed in my bedroom so that I can lie down and look at for long periods of time.
 

friends, they come and go

Through out my life, people have come and gone. When I was young, this was because we moved so much. Then, in my early 20’s, it was about work. I would make friends with my fellow employees, but then they would go or I would and we would not see each other. When we worked, we spent a lot of time away from work doing stuff and after one of us left, it would stop. With girlfriends and love interests, well, this is not hard to understand. Being friends after is good. Somehow, doing things together just does not seem to happen for me. If we happen to see each other, okay, we are friendly, but there is no phone calls or lunches. This has happened before though, but we needed to have some closure and to resolve some un-finished business together. When I first stopped drinking, I lost all of my friends. It was very difficult for me to understand at first. A part of me was bitter for a long time, but I can see now it was in my best interest to not be their friends anymore. In the past 15 years, friends have come and gone. The friendship becomes very intense and we become close rapidly. Then, just as quickly, they are gone. With most, I can see that it was because we grew in different directions. We were like tinny streams of water melting from different snow drifts that crossed and briefly ran together and then moved in another direction. This is just so common for me that I expect everyone I met to be gone soon. To be friends forever or to love something forever seems foreign to me, yet, with those who are very close for that brief moment in time have been in with before in a past life‘s in some way or another. I know a lot of people who have friends that come and go in and out of their life’s. They talk often and do things together, then there are long periods of time when they do not have contact. They still remain friends. To this point, I have not had this. At times, I have felt bad about this. I have told myself why bother even trying, but I would miss out on so much growth. Right now, I am asking myself why I would want the same friend forever. How would I grow? I have read several books on Wicca religion. In one, the author spoke at length about “soul mates.” Not just the fad term for lovers, but people who’s paths have crossed in many different life times. His idea was that why would you want to have the same wife as last time or the same friends? How would you learn if you are always around the same people? I can see his point and agree with it to a certain degree. Some people seem to regress and not grow. I am so much different from 20 years ago that I think a person who knew me then would think me a completely new person. They could learn from me and I could learn from them. I have to wonder if maybe that author was afraid of commitment. If anyone is reading this, you might be feeling that I have just had a friend come and go and that is why I am writing this. Well, you are correct. I had this intuitive feeling just after it started that it would be this way. This is not the first time nor the last, yet, it still hurts a little. I am happy that I have grown yet, I feel like a bird who is flying for the first time.