Working in the field of psychology, I meet many interesting and different types of people. Some are “clients” or those who I am helping and those who are “staff” or those who are doing the helping. Sometimes, their is not much difference between us. Sometimes, often actually, we are the learners and they are the teachers. For most of these people, I have developed love and respect for them. On a few occasions, I have met some that I felt a certain type of love and respect that would led me to wanting to date them or more. Seldom as it been a “client.” Of course, a profession distance needs to be maintained. When I worked at the hospital, I met a few women who had great potential to be great humans. Hard for a person like me to not be attracted to that. Please, keep in mind that I would never act on those feelings because it may have damaging effects to both of us. Therefore, "clients" are off limits to dating for me. In the past, I felt is was important for me to have a partner who had similar issues to mine. I felt that she would better understand me and I her. I felt that we could learn and grow together. Recently, I have learned that this will not work. The growth only goes so far until one or the other regresses or just simply moves in different directions. My issues are in my past, although they do creep up and remind me from time to time. I deal with them now, quickly if possible, and do not live with them or wallow in them anymore. When working with women in crisis shelters, there is a high percentage who never get out of their issues or cycle. Millions of dollars and work hours are spent in futile efforts only to see her return to her abuser or to the same type guy. This is not only very frustrating, but also very sad. Many do get out and this makes the efforts that much more rewarding. Recently I met a woman who I have had very little actual personal interactions with, yet, though observations and testimonies of others, I came to know her. I saw her as "staff," as part of the solution. I was told she had been with “the wrong type of men” in her past. You know, abusers, cheaters, junkies, the type of insecure ignorant man who thinks that violence is not just the answer, but a way of life and the only answer. I understand both sides of this. I understand why they both act in the way they do. As we have all heard many times, if we are not a part of the solution then we a part of the problem. I saw this woman as part of the solution. I was told she is a nurse and a physical therapist. Okay, part of the solution, in that way. She wanted to get out of her cycle, she wanted a nice guy or so I was told. “Great," I thought, "I can possibly help her out here. I could at the least model directly or indirectly health male/female interactions. Maybe I can have some of my needs met as well.” Although I knew this was not in my best interest, I opened my heart to her. In the past, I have dated woman like this before. They all spoke endlessly about how bad their ex was and how bad her life was with him. Then, after a short period, they returned to him. Some have even said, “You are too nice, Tim.” I am not really sure exactly what that means, but my answer can be, “Well, then, you are not worthy of my love.” They have moved from "staff" to "client." In other words, I used to respect them for their efforts, and now, I pity them for their lack of efforts. For me, I want to have some sort of acknowledgment that I have worked hard to be who I am sometimes. That comes from God and from within. I have found that some people are not capable of allowing us to change and grow. They can only view us as the “old person.” That is why we can not "hang-out" with our old friends after we quit drinking or using drugs. That is why we have to move on to other parts and places and people. Sad, yet so true. Of course, in time, those people may change, then again, they may not change. My intuition told me she would do this as the others in my past, but I wanted to give her (and the others) the opportunity to grow and to change and to learn and at the same time, know that they can have love. The other day, this new woman gets right back into her cycle. I was very disappointed, yet, not surprised. It is very hard and tons of work and at times, I do not want to do it. The hard fact is, a person will need to spend some very long and lonely hours all by themselves to heal and grow and move past the cycle of abuse. Most people do not want to be alone. After I let go of my disappointment and I saw her again, I noticed that I see her differently now. I do not see a beautiful intelligent woman who I respect and want to love, but a lost little girl who I pity and want to help. Although it was very difficult for me at that moment to watch her regress, I am now grateful that I witnessed it from a distance and did not experience the pain of her dumping me to go back to her ex or to tell me I am too nice. Then, I began to ask God why the “wrong” woman is in my life and not the “right” one. Timing is the answer along with the unanswered. I feel sadness for her, yet, I understand why. I can not love a woman like this in way that would be a healthy long term relationship, but I can respct her and love her that way if she is out of her cycle.