My dream from 7-26-2005

This dream was very real, very vivid and very intense. This was the type of dream that I was watching myself, still feeling all of my emotions, still knowing and hearing all of my thoughts, but watching myself as though watching a movie. Everything seemed more vivid, more alive, more colorful. The dream began with me in this really big house that had been converted into some type of restaurant. This house was across the street form our YMCA. There is a building there, but the landscape was a little different. The house/restaurant was full of people eating meals at tables. There also was many spiders, everywhere. The spiders were very, very small, baby, yellow Wolf spiders. Wolf spiders are very common around here. They are not venomous nor will they bite. They seldom ever come indoors, preferring to find a corner somewhere on the house. However, they can get big, sometimes about the size of a golf ball. They are a sandy brown color, with dark brown stripes on their legs and body and have a very fat thorax. To be honest, I do not know why they are called Wolf spiders. There is no resemblance to wolves. Anyway, the customers were getting upset about the little baby spiders crawling on everything. A few were crawling on me. One was on my left arm, but I just set it down on the floor. I became very adamant with the customers about not killing the spiders. In real life, I do not kill insects, especially spiders. Spiders are a huge factor in the ecosystem and keep the other bug populations down. Many of our smaller and prettier birds here eat only insects. I have an Ukrainian friend who told me that in her country, they say if a person kills a spider, then they will never have enough money. Although I did not say it to the customers in my dream, the spiders were being used in the fruit drinks/Smoothies there (very odd!!! Shades of “Ruby Juice” maybe?). The restaurant people were not killing the spiders, but extracting something from them. I heard my thoughts say “essence.” Anyway, I went (can not say walked because I was just suddenly there) into another room and it was full of adult size Wolf spiders. I was very careful not to step on any of them. You know, I have a belief that if I am kind to spiders and I do not think them as wishing to harm me, they will not harm me. I just pick them up with my bare hands and place them outdoors. In my dream, they do not try to run from me or climb on me or bite me. After carefully leaving that room, I found myself outside, about to leave the restaurant. As I was across the dirt parking lot to my mother’s car, I heard a whistling sound like a bomb was dropping. I looked up and caught a brief glimpse of a 5th-wheel camper trailer, flying through the air. It was about 200/250 yards above me and went out of my sight very quickly. I was not sure I saw it at first, but I had a “feeling.” I knew what was going on and just as I felt that “feeling,” a huge horse trailer flew by in the sky. That confirmed it for me! Then, it suddenly appeared before me!! Just behind the house was a huge F5 tornado that was insanely large. It was more than 10 city blocks wide! The sky had turned very dark, black and in places it glowed vibrant reds and oranges. The colors were so bright and vivid and brilliant that they did not seem real. As far as I could see, the sky was this way. It made everything seem as though it was night time, even though when I first began walking to the house, it was bright and warm and sunny. Beside the F5, 3 sisters tornados drooped down, but they were smaller, long and thin. The sister tornados were glowing bright red and orange as if they were on fire. I have seen this before. I saw a tornado in my city once hit a power line and turn bright yellow for the energy it absorbed. Although I could not see it clearly, I knew the colors meant they were causing major damage and causing fires and explosions. The sisters went to my right or West. The big F5 was coming straight toward me! I began running back to the restaurant to warn everybody. I was running as fast as I could but I was only moving in very slow motion. Perhaps you have had this type of experience in a dream before with running? Rather common, I suppose, but not so much for me. I looked over my right shoulder and up toward God and said aloud, “Oh, come on, I can run faster than this.” Slowly, as if my legs had been frozen and were now breaking apart, I began to move faster. I could feel my muscles begin to loosen up as if they had been locked. Finally, I got into the house and yelled to every one, “There’s a tornado! Get in the basement!” As if they did not hear me or believe me, nearly all of them stayed in their seats, continuing eating. One woman, one who was about to kill a spider earlier, got up and looked out often window. A few other followed her led. I did not stay try and encourage them further. Only one person, a male manager, went down stairs with me into the basement. The place was very cluttered and it was difficult to walk around. It was very quite down there, too quite, and the windows were too high up and too small for us to see outdoors. I was very anxious to get back up above to see what was going on outdoors. After a short time, I could wait no longer and went back upstairs. The house was destroyed, but not completely flattened. It looked as though a big tree had landed on it, crushing it down the middle, but the tree was not there. The tornados were gone, the sky was grey, but I could see no people anywhere. I began to walk toward my mother’s car to see if it was okay, and it was except for a minor dent on the front fender, but before I got to it, a bunch of police officers came running past me. One of them came up to me and asked if I was okay. “Yes,” I told him, “but there was a lot of people in that house there.” We both looked to the house. To our surprise, just behind the house, came another huge F5 tornado down from out of the sky. We jumped on the ground, over the edge of the hill that the parking lot and former house was on, to protect ourselves. We both watched the tornado hit the oil refinery we have here in my city. In my city, the refinery is not that close to the location I was at, but in my dream, it was about a ¼ mile behind the house. The refinery exploded and instantly burned to black asses, making the tornado glow bright red and orange. One of the oil towers flew into the air, on fire, and landed on the house. The loose ruble from the house instantly burned and the rest was compacted down to raw 2by4 lumber. The tornado went again to the West of me and was quickly over. The officer left me, walking toward the house, I walked over toward the car. I stood, from atop a the hill, and looked out at my city. It was completely destroyed. Every building and house and tree was now just plies of debris. The entire town was flattened and now just unrecognizable rubble. Still, there was no people. I began driving home. I had many troubles making through and over all of the debris on the roads. There is a large interstate highway, I80, that runs though my city. A person must pass under it before reaching my home on the South side of town. On this highway was a huge mess with piles of unrecognizable cars and trucks. The sky was now a darker grey, appearing to be nearly night time. I drove up this hill that near then top is one of ten over-passes, but I was having trouble getting up the hill. It was a s though it was covered in thick slick ice. The car spun around, facing back down the hill. I could feel it starting to slide off the road. There was other cars there and a deep ditch that I would not be able to drive out. I parked the car and began walking. On the highway, there was still big semi trucks driving very fast through the debris. I thought to myself with some distain, “Super-truckers.” These drivers are only concerned with themselves and getting to their destinations with no regards for human life or safety. After I crossed under the highway, my son, Trevor, was walking with me by my side. It was now night time and very dark because there was no electricity for lights. As we walked closer to my house, I began to wonder about our house. Trevor asked if it was going to still be there and be okay. When we arrived home, our house was fine. My parents were inside. They told Trevor and I that the tornado had picked up the house, turned it around to face the opposite direction (which would be East), then set it down perfectly on the frame. I woke up then. I laid in bed, scared out of my mind for a brief time. However, in my dream, I was not sacred, not once. In real life, I am not afraid of tornados. I saw my first one when I was just 5 years old. I have not spent much time analogizing it. I do think that the tornados are symbolic of things that are out of my control. If it had been some big demon or animal, then I could kill it, but a tornado is Mother Nature, or God. It was God’s Doing and God’s Will to destroy my city. I knew not to fight it. I have often dreamt about a huge demon that is trying to kill me. It is a huge crocodile that is bigger than King Kong or a dinosaur. That is something that can be killed. I suppose I could use magic to stop the tornado or be like “Storm” in the “X-Men,” but those thoughts or feelings did not come to me. I was completely resolved to allow the tornados to do their thing.

My dream from 7-26-2005

This dream was very real, very vivid and very intense. This was the type of dream that I was watching myself, still feeling all of my emotions, still knowing and hearing all of my thoughts, but watching myself as though watching a movie. Everything seemed more vivid, more alive, more colorful. The dream began with me in this really big house that had been converted into some type of restaurant. This house was across the street form our YMCA. There is a building there, but the landscape was a little different. The house/restaurant was full of people eating meals at tables. There also was many spiders, everywhere. The spiders were very, very small, baby, yellow Wolf spiders. Wolf spiders are very common around here. They are not venomous nor will they bite. They seldom ever come indoors, preferring to find a corner somewhere on the house. However, they can get big, sometimes about the size of a golf ball. They are a sandy brown color, with dark brown stripes on their legs and body and have a very fat thorax. To be honest, I do not know why they are called Wolf spiders. There is no resemblance to wolves. Anyway, the customers were getting upset about the little baby spiders crawling on everything. A few were crawling on me. One was on my left arm, but I just set it down on the floor. I became very adamant with the customers about not killing the spiders. In real life, I do not kill insects, especially spiders. Spiders are a huge factor in the ecosystem and keep the other bug populations down. Many of our smaller and prettier birds here eat only insects. I have an Ukrainian friend who told me that in her country, they say if a person kills a spider, then they will never have enough money. Although I did not say it to the customers in my dream, the spiders were being used in the fruit drinks/Smoothies there (very odd!!! Shades of “Ruby Juice” maybe?). The restaurant people were not killing the spiders, but extracting something from them. I heard my thoughts say “essence.” Anyway, I went (can not say walked because I was just suddenly there) into another room and it was full of adult size Wolf spiders. I was very careful not to step on any of them. You know, I have a belief that if I am kind to spiders and I do not think them as wishing to harm me, they will not harm me. I just pick them up with my bare hands and place them outdoors. In my dream, they do not try to run from me or climb on me or bite me. After carefully leaving that room, I found myself outside, about to leave the restaurant. As I was across the dirt parking lot to my mother’s car, I heard a whistling sound like a bomb was dropping. I looked up and caught a brief glimpse of a 5th-wheel camper trailer, flying through the air. It was about 200/250 yards above me and went out of my sight very quickly. I was not sure I saw it at first, but I had a “feeling.” I knew what was going on and just as I felt that “feeling,” a huge horse trailer flew by in the sky. That confirmed it for me! Then, it suddenly appeared before me!! Just behind the house was a huge F5 tornado that was insanely large. It was more than 10 city blocks wide! The sky had turned very dark, black and in places it glowed vibrant reds and oranges. The colors were so bright and vivid and brilliant that they did not seem real. As far as I could see, the sky was this way. It made everything seem as though it was night time, even though when I first began walking to the house, it was bright and warm and sunny. Beside the F5, 3 sisters tornados drooped down, but they were smaller, long and thin. The sister tornados were glowing bright red and orange as if they were on fire. I have seen this before. I saw a tornado in my city once hit a power line and turn bright yellow for the energy it absorbed. Although I could not see it clearly, I knew the colors meant they were causing major damage and causing fires and explosions. The sisters went to my right or West. The big F5 was coming straight toward me! I began running back to the restaurant to warn everybody. I was running as fast as I could but I was only moving in very slow motion. Perhaps you have had this type of experience in a dream before with running? Rather common, I suppose, but not so much for me. I looked over my right shoulder and up toward God and said aloud, “Oh, come on, I can run faster than this.” Slowly, as if my legs had been frozen and were now breaking apart, I began to move faster. I could feel my muscles begin to loosen up as if they had been locked. Finally, I got into the house and yelled to every one, “There’s a tornado! Get in the basement!” As if they did not hear me or believe me, nearly all of them stayed in their seats, continuing eating. One woman, one who was about to kill a spider earlier, got up and looked out often window. A few other followed her led. I did not stay try and encourage them further. Only one person, a male manager, went down stairs with me into the basement. The place was very cluttered and it was difficult to walk around. It was very quite down there, too quite, and the windows were too high up and too small for us to see outdoors. I was very anxious to get back up above to see what was going on outdoors. After a short time, I could wait no longer and went back upstairs. The house was destroyed, but not completely flattened. It looked as though a big tree had landed on it, crushing it down the middle, but the tree was not there. The tornados were gone, the sky was grey, but I could see no people anywhere. I began to walk toward my mother’s car to see if it was okay, and it was except for a minor dent on the front fender, but before I got to it, a bunch of police officers came running past me. One of them came up to me and asked if I was okay. “Yes,” I told him, “but there was a lot of people in that house there.” We both looked to the house. To our surprise, just behind the house, came another huge F5 tornado down from out of the sky. We jumped on the ground, over the edge of the hill that the parking lot and former house was on, to protect ourselves. We both watched the tornado hit the oil refinery we have here in my city. In my city, the refinery is not that close to the location I was at, but in my dream, it was about a ¼ mile behind the house. The refinery exploded and instantly burned to black asses, making the tornado glow bright red and orange. One of the oil towers flew into the air, on fire, and landed on the house. The loose ruble from the house instantly burned and the rest was compacted down to raw 2by4 lumber. The tornado went again to the West of me and was quickly over. The officer left me, walking toward the house, I walked over toward the car. I stood, from atop a the hill, and looked out at my city. It was completely destroyed. Every building and house and tree was now just plies of debris. The entire town was flattened and now just unrecognizable rubble. Still, there was no people. I began driving home. I had many troubles making through and over all of the debris on the roads. There is a large interstate highway, I80, that runs though my city. A person must pass under it before reaching my home on the South side of town. On this highway was a huge mess with piles of unrecognizable cars and trucks. The sky was now a darker grey, appearing to be nearly night time. I drove up this hill that near then top is one of ten over-passes, but I was having trouble getting up the hill. It was a s though it was covered in thick slick ice. The car spun around, facing back down the hill. I could feel it starting to slide off the road. There was other cars there and a deep ditch that I would not be able to drive out. I parked the car and began walking. On the highway, there was still big semi trucks driving very fast through the debris. I thought to myself with some distain, “Super-truckers.” These drivers are only concerned with themselves and getting to their destinations with no regards for human life or safety. After I crossed under the highway, my son, Trevor, was walking with me by my side. It was now night time and very dark because there was no electricity for lights. As we walked closer to my house, I began to wonder about our house. Trevor asked if it was going to still be there and be okay. When we arrived home, our house was fine. My parents were inside. They told Trevor and I that the tornado had picked up the house, turned it around to face the opposite direction (which would be East), then set it down perfectly on the frame. I woke up then. I laid in bed, scared out of my mind for a brief time. However, in my dream, I was not sacred, not once. In real life, I am not afraid of tornados. I saw my first one when I was just 5 years old. I have not spent much time analogizing it. I do think that the tornados are symbolic of things that are out of my control. If it had been some big demon or animal, then I could kill it, but a tornado is Mother Nature, or God. It was God’s Doing and God’s Will to destroy my city. I knew not to fight it. I have often dreamt about a huge demon that is trying to kill me. It is a huge crocodile that is bigger than King Kong or a dinosaur. That is something that can be killed. I suppose I could use magic to stop the tornado or be like “Storm” in the “X-Men,” but those thoughts or feelings did not come to me. I was completely resolved to allow the tornados to do their thing.

Yesterday, I had a bad day.

Yesterday, Satuarday, July 23, I had a bad day. I was angry again. My new self was buried under my old self.

It has been so very hot here. I do not like it. I feel lethargic and irritable when it is so hot like this. The heat just zaps all of my energy in a very short time. Monday, late afternoon, I got a touch of the stomach flu. With this heat, it has been lingering. Living where I do, the high altitude makes the Sun more intense and the heat feel hotter than actuality. With this stomach flu, I have missed all week of Yoga, and 2 of the 3 days of Spinning. Missing my exercising only added to the lethargy. Somewhere around Thursday, an intense feeling came to me. I felt like I did not want to be here any more. Not just living in this house, but in this city or even this World. Also, I did not want to be who I am now as far as my career choice. This past week, one of my clients has been acting out. He has been argumentative, deviant and rude at times. It has gotten steadily worse. One of my other clients got a job as well and she needed a job shadow, too. Well, I can not do it because of my first commitment. I hired some one to do this. The first day of her work, Friday, my new employee called in sick. I went to go pick-up my client at her job and she had called in sick, too. She did not call me to tell me she was sick. Just a little build up before my bad day Saturday. My son, Trevor was supposed to come over. I planed my whole day around it. His birthday is Tuesday and I will not be seeing him, so I wanted to do some birthday stuff. He called me at 11:30AM and informed me he was working. I asked when he know he was going to be working and he said a few days prior. I asked him why he did not call me sooner, but as per his usual, he did not have an answer. By this time, the anger had consumed me. Then, I missed 2 important phone calls. I wanted to change the oil in my car. The oil pan drain plug bolt is on so tight that I ended up striping it and do not get it off. This seems to happen to every car I have ever owned, or with the oil fliter. The dam repair shops and their damned air powered tools! Those oil pan drain blots should never be that tight! Read a book! I know this. I am used to it. It should not bother me, even on a bad day, but it did yesterday.

This morning I had a little carry-over from yesterday. I am not feeling angry, just lethargic. When I was lying in bed, I was thinking about my career. There is stuff I need to do and get going on with my business but I do not want to do any of it. I did not want to work with these people any more. I do not want to do anything. One of the spirits with me asked me what I would do then for work. I want to be a writer. This has been the story of my life. I have always wanted to be a professional musician or an artist, or writer now, but money and my life path has always gotten in the way. It seems like I am conflicted between what I want to do and my life path. Yes, of course, I can do both, but I have been just wishing to be elsewhere. Frankly, I am just sad and lonely. I have seen some amazing results with my new attitude and my visualizations. I am thinner, more muscular, and I think more handsome. I even have more hair on my 5-head now! I have never, ever before thought of my face as attractive! I look and feel vital and strong! My pants are fitting loose around my waist and tight around my thighs. My shirts are loose around my midsection and tight around my chest and arms. However, yesterday when I was angry, I caught a brief glimpse of myself in the mirror. I looked fat and old and ugly. Everyone around me seems to more responsive to me in a positive manner. There are lots of women around me who say lots of nice things to me and make suggestions that they want to be with me. I feel better about myself and about life and that is saying a lot since I have hated myself and life and God for the past 5 years or so. Yet, with all of that, I am still alone. At the places I go with my clients, there are lots of women there who I could and want to be with and they like me, but nothing! I have been visualizing myself being with them, yet, nothing is happening. Honestly, I am not being patient enough. I allowed the negative stuff around me and my loneliness to get to me.

To me, this was very interesting how I looked in the mirror. Really, this is a testimony to how effective positive thinking can be and how the negativity can effect us.

dream, July 21st, 2003

Last night, Thursday, July 21, I had an interesting dream. This dream told me about my self, gave me some insight to my learning and growth, and also provided some confirmation about how I am progressing. I will have to come up with a name for this type of self-actualizing dream. I am sure there is one out there already, I just have not heard it yet. Anyway, it stared with me moving into a new house. This house was very fancy and nice. All of the colors were very bright and happy. This house was much better in those respects than any other I have ever lived in before. Of course, a house is symbolic of a person’s state of mind. Somehow, I knew that this house was not very well built. It looked okay, but it was not very solid and was only for show. There was no deep substance to sustain it. In one of the rooms, a bedroom, I think, the floor had already begun to sag. I walked over to the place in the carpet where the floor had actually fallen. I stood in it and walked around the edge, making the weak spots fall and creating a nice hard edge. I could see that underneath was a bunch of old un-opened letters and bills. I knew immediately what this meant. It meant that this new fancy house was built on top of my old self. All of the old, negative, unhealthy parts of myself were just covered up with something new. That something new was just weak and superficial. There is a saying I know that comes to mind for this situation: a dressed-up turd is still a turd. A Biblical comparison is the foolish man building his house on the sand. Well, of course, this was my old self. I pulled a table over the hole in the floor and left the house with no intentions of returning. The next thing I know, I was at an auto repair shop. This was a very large garage. The symbolism here is very obvious: I went for repairs to fix myself. I was outside when I saw a woman walking by me. She looked older than she really was, consumed with anger. Her body was slowly being crushed, made smaller, by her constant bouts of angry. In a Gestalt point of view in analyzing dreams, that woman is me. Yes, I have been consumed with anger and resentment in the past, but no more. Does it bother me it was a woman? Certainly not!! Why? I have been told many times by psychological tests that I seem to have more stereotypical feminine characteristic than the average male. Simply, this is just who I am and besides, I think it is best this way. However, I did not have this realization about the woman being me until I woke up. Someone yelled over to me, “Watch out!! She’s a werewolf!!” But it was too late for me. She metamorphosis into a hairy, wolf like beast and attached me. Before I could even comprehend what had just happened, I was already dead, ripped to pieces. That was not enough for her, though. My soul went into the ground. As I was leaving the surface, or that dimension, and moved into the next, she began to follow me, intent on killing me again and again. She yelled out to me, “Your laughter is killing me.” Without a thought of why she would say that or what it truly meant, I began to laugh. I did not run away from her, but laughed as she approached me. She killed me again and again but I continued to laugh. Then, she lost her power and was no longer a werewolf, just a small, weak woman. Then, she perished and I was renewed. I went back to the original dimension as before, but I was different. Everything looked different to me, brighter and happier. Then, I woke. I knew the werewolf was me and that I destroyed my old self with being positive and with laughter. Just covering it over, just dressing that turd, was not enough. I had to destroy my old self first, to die and be reborn, because I was allowing that anger and resentment to kill me. The only way to stop it was with laughter and love. Please, my readers, do not take offense. In no way shape or form do I think women to be the only ones who harbor resentment or play the victim. Obviously, I am a male who has done so in the past. Yes, I know others. To be frank, I am not completely sure why it was woman in my dream. I am certainly open to any suggestions.

This dream is very good and I am very grateful for the message!

visualization and mind over matter.

In the past 3 weeks or so, I have been visualizing myself being (among other things) bigger, more muscular, with a smaller stomach. This is part of my new self, the one who views himself as confident, strong, positive and successful. This new knowledge came to me after I had a very enlightening experience. I watched the movie, “What the Bleep Do We Know?” If you have not seen it, I strongly recommend that you do, soon. It will change your life! It did mine! From the movie, I learned to cut off my negative thoughts and actions and to not just place piles of positive over them but to remove them and replace the negative with positive. The other day, I was at the YMCA, lifting weights. I was resting between sets, looking at myself in the mirror. Before, I would not do so and would just look away. For me, looking at myself in the mirror has been tough. I have not liked myself and I had a difficult time feel good about myself, even on my best day. Our YMCA has lots of huge mirrors in the weight rooms. Yes, this is sometimes viewed as vain. When I am working out, especially by myself, I usually watch myself in the mirror to make sure my form is correct. Form is the most important part of weight lifting. It does no good to have very heavy weight if a person is not doing the exercise properly. In fact, it can actually be worse. On that day, I began to do as I would have before, turning away and/or something bad about myself. Quickly, I cut it off and began to tell myself, to visualizing my legs and calves getting bigger. To my surprise, they actually grew!! I watched them grow larger right before my eyes!!! It was like I was in a movie with some special effects! Anyway, it was pretty cool! Yes, it does in fact work! A comment was made in the movie about the importance of our mind over reality. We create our own realities. They suggested that it is not as important to our bodies what we put into it as it is more important what we put into our minds about our bodies. Mind over matter. I was not a believer before. I am now!

daydreams and superheros

On Sunday, July 10th, I took my son to see “The Fantastic 4.” Yes, it a good movie and we both enjoyed it very much. I have not read any of their comic books, so I am not very familiar with the “real” story. Having the movie follow the comic books closley is not as important to me as it is for some people. I like that our modern technology can provide us with special effects that make the action and characters look “realistic.” However, I did use to watch the cartoon on Saturdays when I was a child. I do not remember exactly when, somewhere between ages 6 and 11, so back in the late 1960’s, early 1970’s. Back in those days, I watched a lot of TV. TV was my best, and sometimes my only, friend, since we moved so often. When a person watches superheroes movies or cartoons, or when they read the comic books, they often times like to choice a favorite. Perhaps the choice is strictly a material thing with liking their costume or maybe they just like fire (The Human Torch). Others though, like me, looked for a deeper purpose. My all time favorite is Spider-man. We seem to have many common characteristics. Back in the early 1990’s when the carton was popular (along with "X-Men"), I would watch as often a possible with my son. I would even tape it if I was going to miss it. Sometimes, I would be having a tough time trying to figure out some phase of my life and I would get clues or messages from Spider-man. When I was watching “The Fantastic 4” movie, I recalled those old memories of me watching the cartoons. I have always been a dreamer. I have spent countless hours daydreaming. Back in my elementary school years, it caused me some problems in school. On more than one occasion, I would get into big trouble with my school teachers for not doing my work or paying attention. One day, in 6th grade, my teacher got very angry at me. I was doing nothing, which apparently was the big problem. We were supposed to be doing our work, math or something, and I was day dreaming. I do not recall what specifically, but my teacher took offense. This lady was large, very tall and heavy. I was very small for my age, the last in line to have my picture taken every year of school. The teacher picked my desk up, with me in it, and carried it across the room. For the rest of the school year, which was well over half, I had to set next to her desk. I had a hard time back then understanding this. There was all kinds of bullies and kids eating and throwing stuff in class and causing safety issues. I was just being all by myself, not hurting anyone or bothering anyone, well, except for my teacher, I guess. I achieved very high grades in school, always, even that year. I had nearly all “A’s” in my school curriculum classes. Back then, we had separate sections to our grades and report cards. One was for conduct and the other academics. For that school year, 6th grade, in the academic section, I had all “A’s” and “B’s.” However, in the conduct section, she gave me all “F’s.” I never talked back, I never used foul language, I never hit any of the other kids or stole or cheated or lied. Obviously, I got my academic work done. So how is that daydreaming gets a person all “F’s” for conduct? That teacher held a conference with my parents on the last week of school and said she was holding me back to repeat 6th grade. Boy, I must have really made her mad. Fortunately, we moved to another town that summer and I did not have to repeat 6th grade. I never stopped daydreaming, though and continued to get high grades. When I watched any superhero TV shows or movies, I would dream about being a superhero and saving people and the World (still do). I wanted to be a superhero (still do). Even when it was a bad thing to be a superhero, like Spider-man who is misunderstood at times ( just like me, misunderstood at times), I wanted to be a superhero. Some people, like myself, when watching a superhero cartoon or movie with multiple characters (“X-men,” “The Fantastic 4“) will choose a favorite. With the “X-Men,” for me, it is Storm and Gambit. With “The Fantastic 4,” it was Mr. Fantastic. I always wanted to be Mr. Fantastic when I watched the cartoon. I thought his superpowers were the best of the 4. Also, I liked that he is very intelligent and a kind, decent person who’s main goal in life is to help others and make a positive difference in the World. Perhaps that old teacher of mine was not so angry with me, but herself. I wonder if she knew that I was daydreaming about saving life’s and helping others that she still would have held me back for 6th grade? I hope that she will still be alive and to be able to know and to see my great accomplishments.

In some ways, I am a superhero. I safe life’s and help those in need.

recent dreams

My dreams have been interesting these past 4 or 5 days. They have been very busy. Two nights ago, I dreamt that someone hung my new puppy (a tan Pug) from my 6 foot cedar fence with a string. Their intent was to kill it, but I was able to rescue it. Although it was hurt and near death, it survived. There is a dating website tah offered personality "tests." One was to see what type of dog you are in accordance with your personality type. They told me I am a Pug. In a Gestalt way of analyzing it, that puppy was one of my inner strengths. New, just learning and developing, my new, better self. I had a “feeling” in my dream that it was the same evil people who tried to hex me before. I guess someone does not want me to grow and become that superhero. Then, the dream changed to me being on some nice sandy beach in some very warm and sunny place. I was in a big evaluated hut with several adolescents. They were some disadvantaged youths and I was working with them as a mentor. This was just like in my trip to New Mexico two years ago with the youth group I was volunteering for then. In my dream, we were very close to the ocean. The water was very blue and clear. The tide was a little brisk, but there were no huge waves. Very near the shore, in water that was very shallow, a small black whale swam by us. Then, more and more different types of whales came by until one of them was actually a large Bull Shark, just like the ones we have been hearing about in the news. The same kind that has been biting swimmers in the ocean at Florida. I told the youths to be careful and stay out of the water. Of course, 3 of them had to go in immediately, just because I said no. I had to use my superhero powers and place force felids around them so they would not get hurt. I reminded them about the dangers and two came back. However, one stayed out and actually stood on a black coral reef about 20 yards from the shore. Only his feet were in the water. He was pretending that he was having fun and doing something important, when in actuality, he was just rebelling and he was also very scared. Then, a Hammerhead Shark swam by between him and the shore. It was even larger that the Bull Shark, much larger, bigger than any of the whales. I began thinking about how I had heard that Hammerheads are one of the most aggressive sharks in the ocean. Another thought came to me to express my other thoughts verbally, yet, I held my words. The other youths began talking amongst themselves and commenting on how stupid he was acting. He heard them and decided that he would come back onto land. Once he got in the hut, an Orca swam up to us on the beach, instead of swimming by like the others. I think he was asking the youths to respect their home. A few months ago, I heard on TV that Orcas are considered to be part of the dolphin family. Orcas are very intelligent mammals. Then, in another dream, about 5 days ago, I dreamt about being dead. The dream started with a man and a woman who were working hard to find each other. They had to travel many miles. Along the way, they went through several relationships, each one was short, but gave them chances to learn and grow. Sounds a lot like me. At one point in my life, I was going through lots of learning about what I did not want. Then, I went through a period of finding parts of what it is I do want. In my dream, they finally found each other. They were very happy and content and full of peace and joy and harmony. They began talking and sharing their journeys with each other. I stood closer as others joined in the conversation. Then, suddenly, although not in an uncomfortable or frightening manner, I realized that they were dead. And so was I! It was not a horrible feeling, but a very comforting feeling. I felt as though all my worries and troubles were gone. I told one of the guys there, “Now I don’t have to take that math test.” He told me “Oh, you still have to learn.” The lady walked up to me and placed her hand on the back of my shoulder as we all began to walk outside. I told her “Well, I guess I will finally get that PHD that I was hoping to get.” An image came to my mind of my tombstone at my grave. Their was “Dr." in front of my name. She said, “You will get everything you have ever wanted.” We walked onto a beautiful garden patio that was very full of lush foliage and flowers and clear blue sky and I was very happy and content and peaceful and I woke up. That is me now! Death is metaphorical. It is symbolic of ending something before a new something can begin. For me, it is a message that I needed to stop being who I was before and to let go of all of my old self. My new self is much better. I am in a much better place now. I find it very interesting that there was lots of others there with me.

Arnold

"I knew I was a winner back in the late sixties. I knew I was destined for great things. People will say that kind of thinking is totally immodest. I agree. Modesty is not a word that applies to me in any way - I hope it never will." Arnold Schwarzenegger

Being myself a weight-lighter, Arnold has always been an inspiration for me. Not just his perfect physical aspects, but his attitude about life. This quote of his explains it much of it.

I have known since I was very young that I was destine for great things. I have already done some. Someday soon, most people will know what I mean when I complete the other great things.

childern

Got these in an e-mail. I think they are fun and clever, so, enjoy!!!

"A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah." The teacher asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

"A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

"A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

"One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

"The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out,"And there's the teacher, she's dead. "

"A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."

"The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want - God is watching the apples."

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What is the expression of the depth of one's culture if not art?What is the expression of the depth of one's being if not music?

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