friends, they come and go

Through out my life, people have come and gone. When I was young, this was because we moved so much. Then, in my early 20’s, it was about work. I would make friends with my fellow employees, but then they would go or I would and we would not see each other. When we worked, we spent a lot of time away from work doing stuff and after one of us left, it would stop. With girlfriends and love interests, well, this is not hard to understand. Being friends after is good. Somehow, doing things together just does not seem to happen for me. If we happen to see each other, okay, we are friendly, but there is no phone calls or lunches. This has happened before though, but we needed to have some closure and to resolve some un-finished business together. When I first stopped drinking, I lost all of my friends. It was very difficult for me to understand at first. A part of me was bitter for a long time, but I can see now it was in my best interest to not be their friends anymore. In the past 15 years, friends have come and gone. The friendship becomes very intense and we become close rapidly. Then, just as quickly, they are gone. With most, I can see that it was because we grew in different directions. We were like tinny streams of water melting from different snow drifts that crossed and briefly ran together and then moved in another direction. This is just so common for me that I expect everyone I met to be gone soon. To be friends forever or to love something forever seems foreign to me, yet, with those who are very close for that brief moment in time have been in with before in a past life‘s in some way or another. I know a lot of people who have friends that come and go in and out of their life’s. They talk often and do things together, then there are long periods of time when they do not have contact. They still remain friends. To this point, I have not had this. At times, I have felt bad about this. I have told myself why bother even trying, but I would miss out on so much growth. Right now, I am asking myself why I would want the same friend forever. How would I grow? I have read several books on Wicca religion. In one, the author spoke at length about “soul mates.” Not just the fad term for lovers, but people who’s paths have crossed in many different life times. His idea was that why would you want to have the same wife as last time or the same friends? How would you learn if you are always around the same people? I can see his point and agree with it to a certain degree. Some people seem to regress and not grow. I am so much different from 20 years ago that I think a person who knew me then would think me a completely new person. They could learn from me and I could learn from them. I have to wonder if maybe that author was afraid of commitment. If anyone is reading this, you might be feeling that I have just had a friend come and go and that is why I am writing this. Well, you are correct. I had this intuitive feeling just after it started that it would be this way. This is not the first time nor the last, yet, it still hurts a little. I am happy that I have grown yet, I feel like a bird who is flying for the first time.