dream, July 21st, 2003

Last night, Thursday, July 21, I had an interesting dream. This dream told me about my self, gave me some insight to my learning and growth, and also provided some confirmation about how I am progressing. I will have to come up with a name for this type of self-actualizing dream. I am sure there is one out there already, I just have not heard it yet. Anyway, it stared with me moving into a new house. This house was very fancy and nice. All of the colors were very bright and happy. This house was much better in those respects than any other I have ever lived in before. Of course, a house is symbolic of a person’s state of mind. Somehow, I knew that this house was not very well built. It looked okay, but it was not very solid and was only for show. There was no deep substance to sustain it. In one of the rooms, a bedroom, I think, the floor had already begun to sag. I walked over to the place in the carpet where the floor had actually fallen. I stood in it and walked around the edge, making the weak spots fall and creating a nice hard edge. I could see that underneath was a bunch of old un-opened letters and bills. I knew immediately what this meant. It meant that this new fancy house was built on top of my old self. All of the old, negative, unhealthy parts of myself were just covered up with something new. That something new was just weak and superficial. There is a saying I know that comes to mind for this situation: a dressed-up turd is still a turd. A Biblical comparison is the foolish man building his house on the sand. Well, of course, this was my old self. I pulled a table over the hole in the floor and left the house with no intentions of returning. The next thing I know, I was at an auto repair shop. This was a very large garage. The symbolism here is very obvious: I went for repairs to fix myself. I was outside when I saw a woman walking by me. She looked older than she really was, consumed with anger. Her body was slowly being crushed, made smaller, by her constant bouts of angry. In a Gestalt point of view in analyzing dreams, that woman is me. Yes, I have been consumed with anger and resentment in the past, but no more. Does it bother me it was a woman? Certainly not!! Why? I have been told many times by psychological tests that I seem to have more stereotypical feminine characteristic than the average male. Simply, this is just who I am and besides, I think it is best this way. However, I did not have this realization about the woman being me until I woke up. Someone yelled over to me, “Watch out!! She’s a werewolf!!” But it was too late for me. She metamorphosis into a hairy, wolf like beast and attached me. Before I could even comprehend what had just happened, I was already dead, ripped to pieces. That was not enough for her, though. My soul went into the ground. As I was leaving the surface, or that dimension, and moved into the next, she began to follow me, intent on killing me again and again. She yelled out to me, “Your laughter is killing me.” Without a thought of why she would say that or what it truly meant, I began to laugh. I did not run away from her, but laughed as she approached me. She killed me again and again but I continued to laugh. Then, she lost her power and was no longer a werewolf, just a small, weak woman. Then, she perished and I was renewed. I went back to the original dimension as before, but I was different. Everything looked different to me, brighter and happier. Then, I woke. I knew the werewolf was me and that I destroyed my old self with being positive and with laughter. Just covering it over, just dressing that turd, was not enough. I had to destroy my old self first, to die and be reborn, because I was allowing that anger and resentment to kill me. The only way to stop it was with laughter and love. Please, my readers, do not take offense. In no way shape or form do I think women to be the only ones who harbor resentment or play the victim. Obviously, I am a male who has done so in the past. Yes, I know others. To be frank, I am not completely sure why it was woman in my dream. I am certainly open to any suggestions.

This dream is very good and I am very grateful for the message!