Woke-up yesterday morning…

The clock said 2:13 AM. A feeling of gloom blanketed me. Perhaps it was a bad dream that disturbed me, but after a short recalling, my dreams were not as such. Then the day's date came to mind: February 6th. On this dreadful day, now 17 years ago, my best friend died in an alcohol related car accident. 2:13 AM is the estimated time of death. My mood was, well,… not good.

My emotions for the day wanted me to at times just break down and cry. Depression wanted to take control and have me drop out. Yet, I was able to just work through it. By the time I finished Yoga at 6:30PM, my mood was good.

She was my best friend. We were very, very close, so close that we seemed to know each others thoughts and moods without speaking of them. We were also big drinking buddies. Whatever was within me that drove me to drink excessively, went to the grave with her. If not for that, I would perhaps be dead as well by now, or worse.

This time of the year is tough for me. Sometime around the end of January, I begin to get very depressed. I suppose many people do this time of year, but I have found that the source of mine is due her passing. This year was not so bad though and I feel as if I am working through it. After 17 years, one would think that pain and sorrow would be gone. This year is much better so far because I only had yesterday and not a full month worth of battling depression. The depression was not as disabling as before. Now, all I have to do is make through the funeral date, February 14th, and go on remembering her fondly.

There is a song that brought us together as close friends, one that she loved. After telling someone at work about this day and my experience with waking, that song came on the radio. “Kashmir” by Led Zeppelin.