Holding Back III

Then came another meeting this last December’s end and New Year’s beginning. Now just a month ago, the feeling became much stronger. My desires to touch her and be with her became over-whelming. Never before have I ever desired to love and touch and make love to a woman as I desire her. Again, observing her, she is Isis, the perfect wife and mother. Her passion for children is obvious, her role as matriarch of the family again obvious, but perhaps only to some. Strong, independent, intelligent, loyal, caring, honest, bold. Yet, I am holding back.

Why? Because I am 47, she is 19. Perhaps in her world, her country, that does not matter much, and perhaps it should not matter here, yet, for me it does and…

Just do not know what to do. I have spoke to her about it. To her, it does not matter. So why should it to me? I have let go of it, but there is too much love there to ignore. I have only but kissed this woman once, nothing more. Never been on a date with her, never held her hand and stared into her eyes, never... But she is in my heart and in my mind. I catch glimpses of her in public. See her face and image in others. It sends chills through out my body and soul. This is more than just infatuation, more than lust, more than…

Why must those two wolves within me fight each other so?