Jamaican Expectations

Back now from my trip. Had a very nice relaxing fun time. The food was even better than before, the people great and the weather nice. My son had a great time as well.

Expectations are an important role in a person’s experiences. In cognitive psychology, they have what is called “schemas.” These are organized structures of how we perceive the events, people and places in our life’s. The theory is that we organize our experiences into categories and use them for latter experiences. We meet someone new, we quickly place them into a certain category and react accordingly. Same with going somewhere new or being in a new situation. The cognitive psychologist feel we do so as a defense mechanism. At some point, we alter those schemas upon receiving further information. When re-visiting a place, we recall those past events and place inferences on them just as we would in a new situation.

My original intentions for returning to Jamaica this time was to spend time with someone I had met on the internet last January. Things went very well with her. In July, I went to met her face to face. In August, she went to Canada, telling me only after she had left. Received a dear john letter from her a few weeks latter.

My friends in Lucea told me that New Year’s Eve in Negril is a very popular place for Jamaicans. So, I changed my plans, added my son on and decided to return home sooner than planned. My hopes were that I would have a good time and meet some women. Do not really like to admit it, but I had expectations of meeting someone. That was one of the reasons why I decided to go anyway and not cancel the trip. Do not feel like I was holding onto it or forcing it or hoping and praying for it, but the expectation was there. New Year’s Eve was fun and crazy, very entertaining. No one new came into my life nor did I make it happen. However, I was able to make a few deeper connections with those I already knew as friends.

My expectations changed greatly after some time on internet dating sites. All of the games and fake profiles soured me. After my first trip to Jamaica, I looked in that country. The people there are looking for something different than the Wyoming/US people. After that person went to Canada, I took a few months to heal and grow and get my head straight. On the internet, what I want and what I will get are far, far way from each other. So, I have had to change what I expect and abandon what I want. What I expect and what I get are the same, nothing. However, I seem to have made a few internet friends. As many people are on these dating sites, it has to be working for someone.

My previous trips to Jamaica brought me inner peace and clarity. I was in need of that this time, but I did not find much. Again, another expectation. What I discovered is that I still have some rejection issues. Expectations turn into assumptions. Those assumptions have been ones of pain and fear of cheating and lying. Situations arise that call for trust and understanding, yet, I react with fear. Time to work on that now. Not sure how I can without other people being involved, but I am sure God will give me the opportunity to continue to grow and heal.

Expectations can be bad things. I will continue working on letting go of them, not making assumptions and allow for what will be to be.