Holding Back I

When I first saw her, I thought she was one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen in my life. She had grace and elegancy and boldness and my complete attention. When she spoke I thought angels were singing. Even as far away from her as I was, perhaps 20 feet or so, I could feel her warm loving caring energy. Yet, I held back.

As she walked passed through the crowd, it was as though the Queen had arrived and all were in humbled awe of Her Majesty’s presence. All bowed and kissed her hand as she adorned her loyal subjects. Yet, I lingered back behind the others in the crowd. She did not notice me, not then. For the next five days and four nights, I watched her from a distance, studying her, noting all of her lovely physical features, her moves, her mannerisms, her character. That was over a year ago now.

At that time, that first day, she spoke to me, but only for a courteous greeting. Her attention was on a much younger and more handsome man than I, my son. My heart was filled with great joy to think he could have such an impressive woman’s attention. In my mind, I could see him and her together, happily married and several children about, some little girls who looked just like her, son‘s as handsome as he. Next day, she braided my hair.

We talked and through our conversation, I discovered that she is intelligent and kind and pleasant and polite and… perfect. I became very comfortable with her and we shared some nice conversations and a few great hugs.

Before arriving on this first trip of mine to Jamaica, the voices in my head told me I would meet my soul mate, my spouse, my life mate, my “her” there. Upon leaving, I felt despondent because I had not and they told me it was her, this Neliesha, this Queen.

“No,” I debated, “she is for my son.” So, I held back.