"One who conquers others is strong; One who conquers oneself is mighty." I care not to conquer others, but to simply understand, and help if I may do so. Conquering myself is another story, this story; one that is sometimes not simply for me to understand.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Sing Along

This morning in Spinning class, the instructor played a ZZ Top song, “Tube Snake Boogie.” That song reminds me of when I saw them in, I think, 1985. They were in Laramie, Wyoming, playing on the college campus. Same spot that our Cowgirls won the WNIT championship last Saturday. Night Ranger opened for them and it was a good show.

When ZZ came out, I remember standing and never setting down back down. From the first song, I stood and sang at the top of my voice. I sang like no one else was there. Just me and “The Little Ol’ Band From Texas” having some fun. At some point, I noticed there was a lot of others singing, too. Sometimes a band will prompt the audience to join in on a certain part or yell something, but for this night at this show, no prompts were needed.

At some point further, ZZ just stopped singing during the song. Can not remember which one, probably one of the songs that was made popular from their videos on MTV off the “Eliminator” album, like “Gimme All Your Lovin.” This was not during the chorus or, again, with any prompts, they just stopped singing and kept playing. When they stopped singing, everyone got even louder. The next song, same thing. Then they played Tube Snake and did not sing any of it! The whole place was on their feet singing as loud as they could!!! Gives me chills just thinking about it.

Boy, I had fun!

Being a musician myself, I think that is the ultimate compliment. To go to some small town like that, play a show and have everyone know all the words to your songs and to sing them like that! I had so much fun at that show! Nothing fancy, no special lightening or theatrics, no tower of flames or laser lights shot into mirror balls. Just good old rock and roll. When it comes to playing music, that to me is all that I have ever wanted: to play and have everyone have fun. Dance, sing, forget about life and live!

For me though, I want my lyrics to have meaning and significances, even to provide help. So now you know what I dream about sometimes when I am listening to music.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Women and TV

There is this woman at work. She is from Slovenia. We have an Air Force base here so it is not uncommon for me to meet woman from around the World. This lady is a queen, a goddess, feminine perfection. Yes, of course, she is married and I do not come on to her. I do talk with her much and she is just so classy and elegant. This lady is full of style and grace and kindness and intelligences and all the stuff I want and more. She is confident, yet, not arrogant. Speaks her truth, yet, with dignity. Plus, she is way hot!!! The most beautiful blue eyes and dark hair and brown olive skin.

As long as I can remember, foreign woman have been my desire. Sorry, do not mean to say anything bad about American women, just my personal choice. I also much prefer women who are non-Caucasian, Asian, Hispanic, black, dark hair, non-white skin. Again, just my choice. Yet, I have dated very few. 2 or 3 Hispanics, some dark hair blue eyes (yummy) but plenty of white blondes.

Any of you watch “Dancing With the Stars?” Love that show! That and “Lost” are the only ones I watch. (ok, and some sports here and there) When I watch “Dancing,” I wish it was me dancing. Anyway, that one chick who is the former Ms. America (can not think of her name right now, nor do I care, might as well be Bimbo), the blonde, the “Barbie and Ken” one, do you guys dislike her as much as I do? She thinks she is the All-American dream. Guess what, Honey, the only dream you are for me is my worst nightmare. To me, she is all that is wrong with some people in this country: shallow, self-centered, superficial, ignorant, arrogant, closed-minded, and all about youth and looks and money.

When people in other countries observe us, it is usually through the media. TV mostly. Think about what it is they see: Brittney Spears, Paris Helton, Anna Nicole. Yeah, nice. Is it any wonder these people think badly of us? Not many worse examples of a role model then Brittney Spears. Paris is a shining example of the evils of capitalism and un-supervised youth. Not saying I am perfect and of course, we have tons of good in this country, even on TV. Of course, TV just loves to make woman look bad. However, I do not think I want my daughter to be an ignorant amateur porn star. Think about it: that is how Paris got famous. You want to be know for that? You want the rest of the World to think that is how all our daughters are and our wife’s and our families? My parents would kick my ass if they saw my daughter (not that I have one) on the news drunk and stupid and…

The rest of the World laughs at us.

Got nothing against porn stars or any one who makes their own sex films. You are all free to be and do as you wish. Not everyone can be intelligent, either. Does not mean they do not have a reason to live or that are bad people.

So, what is my point? Just complaining? Or do I see a tear in the fabric of a once decent society? Maybe I am just getting old? Or maybe I am being arrogant? Or maybe I know what I want and what I do not want.

What is inside that matters. What you do that is good for all, including yourself, is what matters.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Time travel and rock music

Time travel has always been a very interesting subject/idea to me. The idea/concept of time in itself is enough and could take lots of time for me to write about. However, today I am thinking about a time machine. Go here and there, see, experience, learn and do what?

For now, I do not have anything so noble to write about as changing major events in history. Stopping Hitler or anything like that. Sure, I have some of those ideas or thoughts, I have lots of questions, but for now, I would like to talk about this idea I have had for many years now.

Music is huge in my life. I love rock and roll mostly and I have seen many shows. Over 120 and seen over 150 bands. What I would like to do with my time machine is go back and see some bands back in the day. Many I never got to see or to go and see them when they were just starting or at their best or their peak. Ray Charles when he was just getting started early 50‘s. How about one of those shows in the early 50’s with a very young Elvis and Johnny Cash? The Doors at the Whiskey in 1967 before their first album. The Beatles in Liverpool before they got big. Janis Joplin with Big Brother pre-1968. Bob Marley in Kingston, 1977 or ‘78. I could go on and on with a huge list. Maybe see some famous shows like Woodstock or some of the shows that I have on albums. For example, I would have loved to been in Paris to see Supertramp in 1979 for their live album “Paris.”

What about you? Who? Where? When?

Saturday, March 24, 2007

anger, more and less

this is pastels. measures 22 by 33

Healing Light

So, I have actually done some creating in the past few weeks. Just finished this one tonight. Not even framed yet. Used mixed media of pastels over watercolors. I am calling it “Healing Light.”

Thursday, March 22, 2007

The Beatles and me

A few days ago, we were listening to the radio at the CAS. Like we always do when I am doing a job shadow with the guys, we listened to KRRR, the “oldies” station in town. Used to be oldies meant 50’s pop/rock-n-roll, but these days, they go all the way into the mid 80’s. They have this great program, comes on at 9:00AM, called “The Top 9 at 9.” They stay with the current day (which would have been 3-20) and pick a year, then play the top nine songs on the charts for that year on that day. That day, the year was 1964. The top 3 songs, number 1,2, and 3, belonged to the Beatles. Not before, not since, has this happened. Well, it did for the Beatles again, but not for anyone else.

Will it ever happen again?

Not a new band out there right now that could master that, not unless they are still playing in a garage somewhere right now. The new stuff today is lacking. Hip hop is a bore, the rock scene blows, and rap is just horrid. However, I think the time is ripe for a band to step up and take over. Any thoughts?

When I was 10 and 11, back in 1969-70, me and 2 other guys would pretend we were the Beatles. We would lip-sink to the albums and put on shows for the girls. I was John. The night he was shot, I heard it from Howard Cosell while watching Monday Night Football. George’s death is much more emotional for me, though.

As my father likes to say, “we were raised heathen,” referring to him and his siblings. That is pretty much I grew-up. No church or Sunday school. No prayers at dinner or before bed, no Bibles in the house, no nothing other than beer and country/western music. The Beatles helped me to escape all that, but also to learn about life. About love on a deeper level, about spirituality, about God, about being a good person, about love for all. Of course, they taught Eastern beliefs and that seemed to be me then and it is now the way life should be. Even after the break-up, their music as individuals helped me to learn and grow.

Saturday, March 17, 2007


All I have ever wanted in life is to be loved. Same as everyone else. That is really truly all any of us wants. We look around for other things that we think bring us that love, but it is not true or real. That love comes from within just as much as from without. Perhaps we all already have it, just that we think we do not that we are so frightened so afraid that we push love away. Yet, that love is always there, perhaps way down deep or perhaps right under our noses, but that love is there. Yet, fear masks it, covers it, gives us the false impression that we do not have love. All any of us need do is not allow fear to blind us and fool us. That is the real trick, isn’t though?

All that I have ever wanted was to have someone love me as much as I love her. To know it is real and true and lasting. Instead, I feel fear. Fear that she will cheat as the many others before her. To lie and deceive and to leave me. Funny, ironic, that right now there is no rational reason to feel that. What we fear most will come to us, drawn like a magnate to metal.

8 years now there has been no love in my life. No gf or wife or even a sex buddy (as if that is love, right?). Yet, all around me is love. Love within me, love without me. Love from my family and friends and pets and from God and from myself. From myself? Not as easy to do at times. Getting much easier, yes, but at times, well, not so good.

Love from within, love from without.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Yoga weekend follow up

Since the big Yoga weekend and my epiphany 3 weeks ago, my life has been challenging. Some how 3 of my clients got the idea that I am the anti-Christ. All evil in their life was perceived as being by my design. Last week, my payment for services was not deposited into my account. Not only did I not get paid, but I can not pay my staff. Got a $500 cell phone bill and a collection notice for $1,500 hospital bill from 6 years ago in the past 2 weeks. My wicked cold from a month ago returned. Some other stuff happened that right now I can not nor wish to recall.

Oh, one was that the first Tuesday back, I subbed and taught the Yoga class. I had all this great stuff I was going to share with everyone, right? All that new stuff I learned. Had it all planed out. Right after we first started, just getting our breathing down, my mind went blank. Completely forgot everything. Just had to wing it.

That first week, not only did I get very sick, but the 2 wolves were fighting again. Not sure why I would want to fight myself over receiving and using such a very special gift, feeling better and all that, but I was doing it. That cold was beating me down, I got depressed and well, same ol’ same ol‘. That fight lasted a week or more.

Talked with the other person from my Yoga class here that went to the Yoga weekend same time as me. Same story with her.

In my opinion, through my life experiences, after we receive a new cooping tool, we are offered a chance to use it. For me, that chance is often the next day. Been using it and yes, it works. Just keep calm about the whole thing, some good deep diaphragmatic breaths, kept in mind it all Serves a Purpose and well… most of it has worked out and soon the rest.

Within me lately is a growing desire to take off, get some time away from my life. It worked so well before on that weekend that I have been feeling like I need more cleansing and growing and insight. Found a 16 day Yoga retreat on the internet to the Himalayas in India. Great price and Yoga all day and all night and I will be able to heal and grow and fix and… rubbish. All of that has to come from within. I can travel around the world and spend my whole life looking here and looking there and all the issues will just follow me. Life will still be here when I get back. I have the tools, just need to use them and let them do there work. That is what I have been doing and so far, so good.

So, how about if I get fixed and working, then go on that trip?