dreams and sex

Around ten years ago, I was having a series of sex dreams. These dreams were very ‘realistic’ with lots of bright colors and sound and intense tactile sensations, even tastes. They began with me having sex, very good intense sex [much better than the ‘real‘ thing was], with my ex girlfriends. They were very enjoyable, but after I woke, I would remember all of those old feelings about them and why I did not want to be with them any more. What I thought was going on with those dreams was that I was working through past issues and having closure, even though I had actually had that already with some of them. Yet, those dreams reminded me that I should look back and remember so that I could say I learned and that I would not repeat mistakes and yet, take the good and find that again with someone else. Back then, I did not know as much about dreams as now and I had limited knowledge of interpretations. Then, after all of my ex girlfriends were done, I had one about my ex wife. That one bothered me. There is, and has not been since before our divorce, any feelings for her. None. In fact, I can not recall if I ever did have feelings for her. I know that sounds cruel, because with all the others, I can recall something. There are some that I still say I care about and I love still, but not that I would want to go back to them. There was just something there and I respect it. Not with my ex-wife. Yet, I am not angry or resentful or any of that toward her, either. There is just nothing. Well, other than no way would I do that again and no way would I want to be in that type of situation again with someone else. However, I just assumed that was a part of my growing and healing and she had to be last because it was the most difficult. That all made sense to me and still does today. Then, the dreams changed. I think all this happened over a 2 or 3 month period with having one or two a week, sometimes more. After my ex, I began to have sex in my dreams with others. Next was a cousin of mine who I was at one time, very close friends (and was at that time). She is very pretty and all that, so it did not freak me out. Then, it was with my grandmother. That one freaked me out! I became very confused. She is my favorite grandmother, but she had died about a year before these dreams began. (No, Sigmund, I have never had any sexual desires toward her, repressed or sub-conscientious or other wise). Then, the dreams changed again and the women became celebrities. Not movie or TV stars or musicians or super models, but porn stars. Those dreams rocked! They were all kinds of kinky and dirty and WOW! However, these were not girls I particularly liked, though. I was not attracted to them at all nor did I or do I now find them sexy at all. Odd. Then, one was with Gene Simmons of Kiss, in full costume and make-up (him, not me). I had a close friend back then who I told these dreams to in hopes of finding some answers. In his mind, the whole World should laugh at themselves. Therefore, he only made jokes at my expense. Not much help. I agree with not taking myself too seriously, but it did not help me to understand those dreams. To me, these dreams had changed and were saying something for a reason. I wanted to know that reason. Then, I had one with God. God, when the dream first began, was male, but just before we began to make love, God became a very beautiful, intelligent woman. God was not human in my dream, but a very soft purple Light that was in the form of a female human. I did not want to wake from that dream. However, that would have been selfish, or that was my thoughts at the time. The dreams stopped after that one, for awhile, anyway. They started again, one here and there, about 4 years latter. Since that first series, I have had some college background, purchased and read 4 dream books, seen other dream books, and got heavy into the metaphysical. I have a much broader knowledge and understanding of these dreams today. The dreams are not so much about any exes or porn stars any more. Last night, I had a dream about one of my ex girlfriends, B. In fact, that was the 5th one in about 2 weeks about her. After I woke up, I went back to sleep and then had a sex dream about another person that I only know causally. 5 times in 2 weeks is significant. 5 times in 2 weeks is saying something, but what? B and I had closure. We see each other once in awhile. In 1997, we spent a lot of time together in college and we did lots of healing and growing. Something more could have happened then, but many of those things that I did not like about her were still there, and besides, it just did not feel right. Of all my exes, there are only 2 that I would like to re-live some fond memories. No relationship stuff, just some of that great sex we had before. That will just not ever happen and I do not think too much about it. B is one of those. These dreams bring it back up, but I can easily accept it and enjoy those memories and move on from it. So, I am not sure that is what the dreams about B are saying now. The dream books I have and the others I have barrowed or read, are either too vague and general or too specific. Too vague and general to provide any good explanations and too specific too make any connections for me. However, they usually give me some other points of view and from there, I can find my answers. Most of the dream books I have read suggest that sex in our dreams is symbolic of our desires to become closer to God. Yes, I wish that, too. I have some resentment issues I need to continue working on, but I am not sure that is what the dreams are trying to say. I just do not know! I would appreciate any suggestions, but before you do, please, move beyond any Freudian ideas about unexpressed desires. Yes, I desire sex because it has been 6 years. There is something more.