300.4 Dysthymic Disorder

I still love Halloween. I was just lamenting because I do not dress-up anymore and go dancing. Even now that I am sober, believe or not, I still love to dance. I have been depressed for 2 maybe 3 weeks now. It is dysthymic depression (DSM-IV-TR, pg 176, 300.4), [one of my given lables] a low level of depression that is constant and is not major or has manic episodes. Of the symptoms, 2) hypersomnia, 3) low energy or fatigue, 4) low self-esteem, 5) poor concentration or difficulty making decisions, 6) feelings of hopelessness. Why? I think I finally figured it out, after noticing the depression. I have been taking long naps, and going to bed early and keeping up with my exercising and still, I am beat everyday. The reason: the holiday season. No, not the holidays themselves, but the same thing that has been happening for the past 6 years. 6 years ago, this month, is when I last had a girlfriend. In fact, she was who I thought was the “one.” Do I miss her? NO! Want her back, yadda, yadda? Hell no! Do I hate her? Certainly not, I am just lonely. I have never gone more than a few months without sex before and now it is 6 years. I have been through the worst days of my life this past 6 years, none of which is directly related to her or even indirectly. I am just sick of being alone and taking matters into my own hands, if you know what I mean. All of my attempts at finding someone have been nothing more than helping me to heal and to see that I needed to do some more work. I have tried all types of ways of meeting woman, and nothing. I even tried that Adult Friend Finders site. I got zero responses. Come on now, you can not tell me that out of over 38,000 woman in a 100 mile radius of me that no one is interested in me? All I can think of for a reason or an answer is Divine Intervention. Yes, save me from myself. No, I do not want to just get laid. I want love and to give love. Don’t we all? Anyway, this time of the year is tough. I have a hard time not thinking, well, 7 Halloweens now. 7 Thankgiving’s. 7 Christmas’s alone. And then the worst holiday of them all, St. Valentine's Day. Not just that I am alone, but my best friend ever died in car wreck and her funeral was on, of all days, St. Valentine's Day. Okay, so I caught it early. I refuse to be depressed and think about what I do not have this year. Thankgiving will be different because I am going to Jamaica. However, it is for my brother’s wedding. Maybe I will meet some hot island girl! Or maybe I should stop think about sex and woman and just.. What? What else is there to think about?