déjà vu

In talking to a friend recently, we were discussing déjà vu. The manner in which she experiences it and the manner in which many people typical experience it is explained as being related to past life’s. They have not been to a certain place before that is supposed to be new to them , yet, when they arrive, everything is familiar to them as though they have been there many times before. In a previous life, they had been there so the memories come through. She said they call them “bone” or “background” memories. She also feels that she has manifested these experiences through her desires to create something for herself. If she wishes to make a new phase or a new part of her life, she visualizes it and then when it begins to happen, it is as though she has already experienced it. My experiences with déjà vu are different. To the best of my memory, they began happening when I was around 18. It seemed to happen most often when I was at work. At that time, I was working in a restaurant and I had just graduated from school. What would happen to me when something happened, I would feel as though it had happened before. I would feel that I had done that exact thing, been at that exact place, done all of that exact same stuff and had said and heard all of the exact same conversations before. Someone, or I, would do or say something and the feeling would sweep over me. At times, it was very intense and very distracting to me. That feeling would startle me and I would just freeze up, saying nothing and just “watch” as it all unfolded. Each word, each event would be exactly as I remembered it. It was like watching I a movie I had seen many times before. Most of the time, everything seemed to become much larger than it was before, as though I was looking at through a very large television screen that magnified everything except myself. Sometimes, I would feel like I had actually shrunk in size, becoming smaller. In all honesty, those experiences bothered me. I would feel like I was going insane or losing my mind. There were times when that feeling would last for as long 5 minutes or longer. With that initial feeling, my heart rate would increase. This is common, I hear, for people who fear the unknown. This is what I was feeling, a fear because I did not understand it. As I mentioned, I thought that perhaps there was something wrong with me. Many people experience these types of things and for a time, they feel like they are the only ones that it happens to and they do not speak of it for fear of being considered crazy. I did not understand it, so would try to just calm down and just return to my work, waiting for that feeling to pass. Then, one night while visiting with my fellow co-workers who became my friends, we started talking about it. One person named Gary said that it is called “déjà vu” and that it effected him in the same manner as me and that it was effecting him the same as me. Somehow, knowing there was an actual word for it helped me to feel better. The knowledge of knowing that others experienced it made me feel less fearful of it. It would take several years before it did not frightened me when the feeling first began. On some rare occasions when I was not so nervous about it, I would notice that I could change them, or so I thought. I would know that I had said something before I was to say it, so I would say something else. At first, I thought I was being clever and making it go away. Then, I discovered that I was not actually changing it and by me saying something different, it intensified that feeling of having done so before. After that time period for me, they began to not occur so much. Then, several years latter, they began to happen often again to me. At this time in my life, I had just quit drinking alcohol. I was becoming increasingly interested in “extraordinary things” about life. This time, when the deja vu occurred and that initial fear left me, I tried to understand it. Understanding it meant allowing all of those feelings to flow through me and to not ignore what was happening. It was tough at first working through that fear. Before, I would just accept that it happened and not think anymore about it. This time though, when it first started, I began to noticed that it was truly something I had experienced before. That feeling of fear would be replaced by a calm feeling of knowing, yet, I was still very puzzled and very curious. I stopped feeling smaller and everything round me did not feel, look or seem larger. Knowing I had experienced the event before made me wonder how and why. After a few years of paying close attention to the feeling and the events, I began to establish a connection between the deja vu events and my dreams. Albert Einstein said that deja vu is our conscious mind catching up with our sub-conscious mind. He said that we can sometimes experience our life’s in our sub-conscious mind before we do in our conscious minds. This is very similar to what my friend was saying about her making a plan for herself and then latter bring them to her. So, I found out that I have actually been dreaming these events. Somehow, my spirit is traveling into the future and I am watching these events unfold. When they happen in my wakened state, latter on, I have that sensation of knowing it because I have actually viewed it before! That answers the “how” question. Now for the “why.” This has been a process for me of learning in steps and phases. Now that I knew about the dreams, I started to recall when I actually had the dream! Many times now, I am able to actually know what day and what time period of my life I had the dream. Sometimes, I can remember the exact day and time of the dream. To answer “why,” it is important for me to recall what was happening in my life during the time of the dream. The dreams come mostly during when I am napping. I am unsure why, but it seems that most of the deja vu events are dreamt of during afternoon or late morning naps. In which case, that means at time periods when I am probably not working as much and I have extra time for naps at that time of day. Not working so much means to me that at that time period for me, there is lots of time I am spending alone or worrying about money or my life or my future. Often times, during those periods, is a time when I was trying to redefine myself or to find out more about my inner self and my inner thoughts and my life’s path. One day after I had gotten out of such a period, I had begun going back to college to get my degree in psychology. My school advisor suggested that I do some volunteer work. You see, I could get college credits for volunteering in a place that was related to my degree. So, I began helping at a place called “Special Friends” that helps disadvantaged youths in my city. It was a mentoring position. One day, while helping with one of the group activities, I had a deja vu feeling that last for over 20 minutes! It was distracting at first, but I tried hard to focus on it. That is when I first discovered that it had been from a dream. During those times of inner reflection, I would dream about the future because there was much uncertainty for me. Traveling to the future would give me peace and bring me knowledge that everything was going to work out fine for me, on a sub-conscious level anyway. The deja vu’s are/were confirming that my life is moving in the direction that it should be and that I am doing the “right” thing. One obvious question would be how do I remember those dreams right after I have them and to have that peace consciously at that time and moment, not having to wait for latter. As I mentioned, this all has a been a slow process with each step taking years at times to develop for me. The past 6 years or so, I have tried to remember those dreams. There have been times when I recall them when I initially wake up, but they just do not make any sense to me. I see myself doing things in places that I do not regionalize. I see people I have not met yet. Sometimes, I am doing something somewhere that I know, but I do not understand why or how I came to be doing that. When I have the deja vu, it all becomes very clear to me. Those dreams usually take years to come to pass. On some very rare occasions, the dreams do not happen at all. Perhaps I am wrong about them not happening and it is just not time yet. Sometimes, they come to be after only a few short months. No, I do not often remember the dreams these days. The occasions of my remembering the dream and then it happening are very seldom indeed. However, when I do have them, it is fun. I get to have the understanding of how and why that was so puzzling before. These events may seem insignificant to most people, but to me they are important. No, it is not like saving a life or changing the World or anything so melodramatic as that. There have been some rare occasions that I have had a deja vu of having a deja vu! It sounds weird, but it is true! It was disturbing at first when this happened, but I began to see that it is like layers, like sheets of thin paper stacked on top of each other. I have been to witness these particular events many times. There have been some very rare occasions when I can recall the dream from the deja vu being from my early childhood. I can even recall one deja vu that happened about 8 years ago that the dream was when I was perhaps 6 years old! Of course, not all of my dreams during naps are me “traveling to the future.” The deja vu seem to occur much more often during a certain time period and not at all for periods of time. One good thing about it now, it does not disturb me like it used to do.

So, what does it all mean?