art and my car

If I had sold a mere half or my art at the exhibit at the YMCA, I could have paid cash for my new car. Instead, it snowed and other mishaps and I sold nothing. Instead, I had to be rejected from the bank. Instead, my parents had to take out a loan for me and now I have to pay them back, slowly. A part of me is a bit disappointed in this. It would have been far more easy for me and everyone else. The show was already set. The people just had to come. Those of you who read my blogs have seen my art. It is more than worthy of the low prices I put on them. My heart knows it does no good to complain. That only makes me resentful. My heart wants to ask why, but why is remote now. This life time seems to be about repairing or preparing my soul for the next level. Not about making money or having anything easy. I am prepared to die. I am ready to go. I have my place. So, why should I stay? Why should I stay here when it always the hard way? Because it is not just about me. I do not care about cars, but I have to have one for my work. I need it to help others, to drive them around so they can buy there food, get their meds, go to their appointments. I do not care if any one likes my art, not even myself. It is only in the creating that I care for it heals and enlightens my soul. I do not care if I am fat and ugly and old and bald and I never get laid again. Inside, I am a very good human. Anyone silly enough to take a few minutes to get to know me will agree. Therefore, I am asking why. Why, God, do I have to do the car thing the hard way? Why, God, did You not allow me to sell me art so that I could use my money to pay my other bills? For many people, it is blasphemy to ask why and to look for answers. In their minds, it is only right to honor God by blindly accepting. I do not disagree, but that is not my path this life time. I have blindly accepted and then it was used against me. If a person does not understand and have complete Faith, Evil can easily take Faith from us. Within Good there is some Evil and within Evil there is some Good. If a person does not ask why how will they know the difference. To just say “I just know and I will always be able to tell” is not only foolish, but setting yourself up for failure. That is not Faith but denial. Being positive, looking for the good in all bad situations, asking and waiting and then accepting, no matter the answer, is the best way to go. Blindly following is not nor is being angry and resentful. I am grateful to have my car. It is a good car. I would just like to know why You choice this way for me, God?