the end of the art show at the YMCA

Yesterday, I picked-up my art from the YMCA. The next person for May had alreday taken my stuff down and put his up before I got there. I arrived at 12:45, just 45 minutes after they opened. I was a little disappointed, but it was the 1st yesterday and his month. I hope he was not angry at me. With Special Olympics and everything that went on yesterday and with the YMCA closing at 5:00PM, I could not take it down then. This guy is another photographer. I just took a quick glance, but I was not impressed. In the music industry, I have little respect for rap “musicians.” Most can not sing or they would and most have no talents for playing any musical instruments. All they need is a computer and to sample some else’s music. Sampling is stealing if you ask me, yet, it is also a compliment. To other “real” artists, photographers are viewed in this manner. I have respect for photographers because they still need to use the same formulas as a painter or a drawer to make their photos high quality. Anyway, I hung my ladies back up and my leopard. It is nice to have them home. The rest of my stuff, well… part of me wants to just put it all back in storage and forget about it. The stuff with the art show was very disappointing for me. I had such high hopes. I thought that at the least I would sell 2 or 3 pieces. When taking my son home the night of the reception, I wanted to cry. I had a brief moment of ‘poor me’ and ‘no one likes me.’ It was a tough day for me. I found a car that I would like to buy. It is old and small, but in good shape. It is something I can afford at this time and I know it would be dependable because I have owned 3 others like it. I have not owned my own car in over 7 years. I have been borrowing my parent’s car since then. This summer, I will not be able to borrow any more because they will need their car back. I went to go put a deposit on it the day of my reception and it was sold already. Then when I got home, I had a letter from the bank denying my loan anyway. The snow that day did not help much either, but we really need it bad here. My thoughts get me into trouble. I seem to focus at times on the bad and think everything else is bad or that it will be. In psychology they call this cognitive distortions. They keep me down and hurt me and limit me. I am practicing and working hard, but some days, I just can not find any reason or motivation to try. It takes a long time to over come 45 years of damaging thought patterns. I will get it one day. Wednesday night, I could only see reason for bad and not good. So, it is still lingering a little. My art will just stay in my room for now, even though it is causing lots of congestion, until I have a better attitude and a clearer mind. Yes, this has been a very positive thing for me and has helped me to heal and to regain a very important part of myself. There are other places in town to sell art and there will be other opportunities. Also, I have some ideas for some new drawings. I can see that my art has matured and grown. The new stuff should turn out even better than before. Who knows, maybe I will even want to sell some of it.