February

Life is about perspectives and the way it is viewed. As OB1 said to Luke Skywalker, “The truths that a Jedi clings to are from a certain point of view.” For one person, this month is a major point in their life. A time of refection and time to mark growth and their birthday, a new year, new beginings. My parents wedding anniversary is this month, 7th, 46 years. In a way, this is a time of re-birth for me as well. Although, in the past, this month has been anything but enjoyable for me. In the past 5 years, as you who have read my other bogs know, I have been alone and growing and healing. At times, I have been very angry, resentful and extremely depressed. From my point of view then, maybe not so much now, I hated this month. Take a look back at one of my bogs and read “SHANON: SNAPSHOTS OF A FRIENDSHIP” Real quickly, my best friend died, February 8th, 1990. It changed my life completely. Some days, I miss her so very much. Anyway, in the past, this time of the year has been one that I wish would just go away. I can just feel the anxiety and depression creeping over me like a dark cloud, removing the Sunlight and raining on my day. Even though I was completely aware of this and why, I could not stop those emotions. I would get into a funk and remain there until late March, early April. Something as simple as a different point of view alluded me. For me, April or the beginning of spring is a time of reflection and the New Year. It is a time of new beginnings and leaving behind the old. If I look at February in a different way, I could see it as my month of rebirth as well. This year, the depression has not hit me nor has it crept up on me. It does not honor her memory for me to be so solemn and dark. She does not want me to be unhappy at this time, but to remember the good times. So far, I am doing okay. 6 days from now… just have to see.