backwards

There was a man I worked with about 8 years ago. Heavy drinker, macho find of guy, greedy in everyway, arrogant, and very abusive to his second wife. Then, one day, she called the police on him and he ended up in jail. Nearly lost his high paying manager job. Did 2 months straight and then another 2 on the weekends. She took all of his money and her kids and their house. Good for her. During my time working there, this guy never talked to me much unless he was being condensing or bragging. Everyone at that place knew I did not drink. Some, like him, liked to rub it in my face and make jokes about me. They also knew I was going to college and some, like him, made jokes about that and made little comments here and there about people they knew who had college degrees and still had lousy low paying jobs. But after he got busted and his life feel apart, he came by everyday and whined and split his guts about how much of creep he had been and how he did not understand, but, boy, he was trying and how does he do it and how he thought his therapy was going well and by God I'm gonna change. Funny, before he joked with his “friends” at work loudly and indirectly to me about what a joke he and his “friends” thought psychology is and a waist of time. Sure, I was polite and made generalized statements meant to encourage his growth, but before his weekends were done, he had another girlfriend. Then he was right back to the same ol' song and dance. (She would become his 3rd ex.) At that time, I had no girlfriend or wife or even any prospects and was trying hard to remove my shortcomings. I was working hard to not fall into “love traps” like I was witnessing everyday with my co-workers. Does not mean I liked it, though. The loneliness was very tough at times. Yes, I know, what I was witnessing was not love, but ignorance. Yet, it made me mad. Why is it that a creep like that easily finds women? Well, as I said, it is not love. I seek true love, not that co-dependant, I can not life without him/her no matter who they are, rubbish.
Today, I still see it, everywhere. On TV, in the stores, on the street, at work. Couples in the trap. At times, I asked, “why them and not me?” I know why. The love I seek is hard to find, not lying around a bar waiting to be picked-up and taken home and discarded latter only to be replaced by yet another. Maybe, I am not ready yet, or maybe she is not, or… whatever the reason, she is not here and I am not there with her. The best I can do is pray, and keep working, and try not to let and anger grow resentment. It just seems backward at times. The good people, the smart people, the decent humans should have all of the “rewards,” not the “bad” people. Do I have a better idea? I guess not, but sometimes, … well sometimes I think it is just backwards. But, how else would we learn?

The decent people do get the "rewards," but where is she? When?