dreams and true love

A dream this morning reminded me of something else about love and sex from my previous relationships. ALL of my previous relationships (save one) has been the same in one way: I did not feel that they were the “one.” We all know this concept, that a person has that deep intuitive feeling, that intense knowing, that passion in our hearts that tells us we will marry this person and love them for eternity. When I was with all of these other women, there was love, yes, but in the farthest depths of my mind, in the base of my heart, I knew it was not true love. Although I had heard this many times from the others, I had no idea how it even felt, only that I was not feeling it. It was very unfair to them, very. Some feelings were indeed hurt and hurt deeply. Eventually, we would both come to realize that I was not in love with them in that manner and thus, it would end. The one time I felt that way, with the last person I was with, it felt so comfortable and so right, yet, I knew that I could not become complacent. She told me she felt the same and for the first time in my live, I was not depressed or worried about life, but living it, gracefully. What happened, then? I do not know, you would have to ask her. 18 months latter I was alone again and in very bad shape; indeed the worst ever. I did not want to stop or leave, but now that I look back, I can see that it was far from perfect and there was much room for improvement and things better. Before her, I did not completely understand the concept of the “one” and now, I can say I know how it feels. Believe me folks, once you have that, there is NO substitutes and no going back. The dream has reminded me that I do not want to be put in that position again of being in a relationship that I do not love her completely. I think that Karma will have a little something to say about it if I do and I have been working hard to create positive Karma for myself. Maybe I am missing something or maybe I am just not like some of you others, but there will have to be this kind of love for me to commit to another. To me, sex is a commitment. Perhaps it is possible that I could meet someone who knows this like I do and perhaps we will both know and understand that if we make love it will not be to from some long term relationship. Maybe I need that to heal and grow, but then where is the love? Perhaps I just need to wait for that true love.

The waiting is tough, very tough at times.