Letting go

For many years now, my son has been my friend. For much of this time, he has been my only friend, spending nearly all of my weekends and holidays with him. He is dating now, has his own car, and is in 10th grade. The past few months, his weekends with me have consisted of him going to see his freinds and only spending a few hours with me here and there. I am very grateful that he has a good life and I am even more grateful to have such a wonderful son. It is a time for me to begining letting go and to accept a change in our relationship. Yes, I knew this would be coming and yes, I know all of the other stuff of how he will always be my son. I could be sitting here now writing about the unimaginable, his death or a trip to jail. Anyway, right now it hurts. This weekend we went to a movie like we often do. The movie was not one I was much interested in, although it turned out to be an okay movie, but, it was his choice, just like it always has been with us. I would have rather went to see "Sponge Bob" or "Shark Tail," but those days are gone. I miss them sometimes, but I relished every second of them when I was there. I spend a lot of my free time alone, nearly all of it. I have no friends to go to movies with or hang out. I have just nearly always waited for the weekend and gone with my son or, ocassionally, go alone. This transtition would be much easier if I was not so damned lonely already. But I will do as any good parent does and just be there when I can, be supportive and enjoy those precious moments when I do get to be with him. It is not like I will never see him again, it is just hard right now at this moment, at this exact point in time. Maybe the glass is emptying so that it can be filled with something else.