dreams and boxes

Sunday night/Monday morning, 9-26-2005, I had an interesting ‘dream.’ I do not think I an actually call what happened a dream, but that will be close enough. It was at my Grandma’s house in Guernsey, where my dreams are very significant and have important messages for me. At her house was a detached garage that was right at the alley. It was big and had a nice closed-in attic. When I lived with her, I made it my bedroom. Of course, in the winter I could not stay out there because it had no heat. That attic is my favorite place in the World. It is my heaven. In my ‘dream’ I was loading stuff into the back of my brand new 2006, silver Subaru Outback (no, it is not physically with me right now, but I am working on it). The stuff was ‘toys’ or things that I do not really need some as much that I want them, like a huge TV and that kind of stuff. There was lots of band equipment, too. I have a lot now, but a person can never have enough guitars, right? In fact, there is 2 more I wish to have right now. I want a hollow body electric and a Twelve-string acoustic. I also want a new drum set (although mine now is a good one. Yes, I can play drums, too) and a violin. I have a very good PA system now, too. Okay, so I was watching myself from the attic load stuff into the car. Then, I noticed there was a whole bunch of guitars and stands in the attic. So, I went up to look at them. There was probably 20 or more. So, I took some and some extra stands for my other ones and put them in my new car. Then, 2 huge boxes appeared by each of my sides. The boxes are actually just the tops and they hold endless supplies of stuff. One box is for me and all that I desire to have and the other is for other people. There was a huge house behind me, not my Grandma’s small one, but an enormous house. It was 3 stories and had a basement as well. The house is mine and my family’s. That is where all of my family stuff is and all of the stuff for them. A beautiful wife and children who love me as much as I love them. They have all they need through me, any thing they want materially and emotionally. Quickly, all the stuff faded and shrank. No, it did not go away, it is just hidden and more compact. When I need it, I just open them up with my thoughts. Then, I think I woke, but I am not sure. I started to smell fried chicken. My Grandma’s fried chicken. Oh, she was the best cook ever!!! Yeah, everybody says that about their Grandmother, until they tried my Grandma’s cooking. When she comes to me, I smell her first. The smells used to always be her famous coffee. It had a very unique smell. Now days, the smells are her food. Those smells remind me of her excellent food! Sure do miss it. Grandma started telling me about the boxes and that I now have everything that I could ever want and more. She said it is time for me to begin giving stuff to others and taking my stuff. Other people were there and I just could not get back to sleep. I had already woke up twice before this.
I have been very tired and drained since Monday. I have even skipped a few work-outs to get an extra hour of sleep and taking naps, but I can not seem to get caught up.

more of the "Tin Man"

On Wednesday, I was driving to pick-up one of my clients. I was feeling pretty good about getting certified finally through the State of Wyoming to be able to provide res hap services. I had been working on it for months! I needed it to be done because I have been working for free with my client. He just moved out on his own from his parents house. When a DD person, who is an adult, moves out and they are living independently, they can only receive day hap and res hap services. To me, it just did not seem to make much sense why. I have been basically doing the same things with him. Therefore, I asked the person at the State and she told me that it so they can have 24 hour service available to them. If there is some situation that they need some kind of help at say 2:00AM, then there is someone they can call. I was doing this anyway for him. I am available to all of my clients at anytime if they need me. Oh, and get this! Starting in October, the State is changing this! They are making it so the DD person can get the other services I was certified to provide already! I could have just waited for month and not have to do all of this stinking paper work! However, I want to be a big organization some day, so I wanted to be certified anyway. I am waiting to get day hap when I have a building and everything. On the way to my client’s house, I was going through the radio stations because all but one on the memory was playing a commercial. That song quickly ended and guess which song came on? “Tin Man” by America! Coincidence? Oh. No! When I heard that song, I thanked God for Helping me. Looking at it now, I have a thought. It is easy to say God is our friend when a nice little Miracle happens or when things are going very good. It is not so easy to say God is our friend when times are bad. I still have some work to do. I need to just believe!

Also on that morning, before I left, I had this song stuck in my head. I was singing to myself as I got ready for work. I was even singing it loud. So, after “Tin Man,” that station began their commercials, so I changed the station. That song came on!!! I love it when this stuff happens!!

"Tin Man"

On Thursday morning, September 1st, my alarm woke me to the sound of a song by America, “Tin Man.” My alarm clock is set to the radio instead of that annoying beep. I have set on a local 24 hours station that plays oldies. Most mornings, I am entertained by a good “old time” rock or pop song. Also, I choose this station because they are very reliable. I can go to bed with confidence knowing that they will not be off the air when it is time for my alarm to sound. That, and I used to work at this station. Well, actually, it was at their sister AM station that now has a sports and country music format. On this morning, this song was of more interest than usual. Not that I like that particular song so much, just in how it happened. This was actually extraordinary! To begin with, on Thursday, I not normally get up at that time. I had to get up an hour earlier than usual. When the alarm sounded and America was singing “Tin Man” to me, I recalled hearing this same song before in this similar situation: getting up early to go exercise at the YMCA at 5:00AM. Coincidence? Maybe, but as I was listening, I quickly thought to myself, “Hey, that is the at the exact spot of the song as before.” Oh, so maybe there is a reason. I focused intently on the lyrics. Just as it had a happened before, just as the alarm sounded on that other day a few weeks or longer previously, they were singing the chorus, “But Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man, That he didn’t, didn’t already have.” Oh, I see. Ummm? Well, if you know this song, you will recall that this particular lyric, this chorus, is repeated many times during the song. So, I listened, not just with my ears, but with my heart as I hastily dressed in my gym clothes. The rest of the chorus is: “And Cause never was the reason for the evening, Or the tropic of Sir Galahad. So, please, believe in me.” Sir. Galahad had little meaning for me at that point, but the rest was loud and clear. God was speaking to me. Yes, through some silly pop group form the 70’s. Not silly to me, they have some great music, but still, I am sure the nay sayers are saying right now, “Sure, Tim and what sort of drugs were you on?” I can see the Church Lady from Saturday Night Live saying, “Or could it be… Satan. Ummm?” I have been looking for love and money and all the things that they bring to me. Love, of course, is the most important thing. Well, God did not give me something that I do not already have, you see? There is someone in my life right now. The last lyric I quoted here was even more powerful. “So, please, believe in Me.” I have not been doing so well with that. What I need is already here, I just need to believe that God will Help me to help it grow. I need to stop playing the victim at times and blaming God for everything that is wrong in my life. I need to believe and to make God my friend again. No, there are no coincidence.