dreams

This mornings dream was not so successful. I was doing something that I can not remember, then I took off with my father and my son to go hunting. We left in a huge hurry becuase my father had heard there was a big herd and that we could get our elk. We stopped in this mountain clearing to find serveral dead elk killed by other hunters. This was a very large herd though and there were more to be found. My father and son and I jumped out of the car to shot either a deer or an elk. The problem was, I was not prepared. I had on no orange, no coat, no boots, my gun was not loaded. They were all around as I fumbled to get ready. I never did get any orange on becasue I kept struggling to put on this vest and just left it to load my gun. A deer came close to me, but it was doe and it was bucks only. Then my son yelled to me about a buck and I took aim. I pulled the trigger and the gun jerked but did not fire and the buck ran off. My son got the deer. Then my father got a big bull elk. After we got it into the car (why not his truck, we never use a car) I saw a big Grizzly bear being followed by a female Black Bear and 2 cubs. It was not "right" becuase they were 2 different types, but she was casing him to make him her "man." I told my father and son about this and as them came up to see, a big buck deer came up over the hill and was just 2 feet from me. However, there was a huge grizzly about to attack it. I knew better to just leave the buck alone becuase if I shot it the bear might get mad and attack me. But, I shot it anyway. And of course, the bear got mad. He stoud up on his back legs and hollered at me. He was only about 5 feet from me. I shot him in the head, but he did not move and I shot him in the heart and then he came after me. My gun was empty, so I ran. I had no more bullets any where on me, but as I ran by the car, my son throw me a box of shells. As I ran, I fumbled opening the box and found that had about 6 in it. I dumped them out inot my hand and keep running. I was runing, I fumbled aorund trying to load the gun, but I could not get it done. So, I stopped runing, faced the bear and loaded the gun, but then it jammed. I fumbled with it. All this time I was just in too big of hurry to do anything right and becuase I was not prepared, it caused em to fumble around. I was not panicked, but I felt it coming up, just below the survace. I did not allow it and finally got the gun unjamed by taking the top shell out. I had no time to shoot becuase the bear was again only a few feet from me and running very fast. I put the other shell in my pocket as I ran towards that same hill. I jumped over the hill into the top of some very tall pine trees, but the bear jumped after me. I jumped to another tree, but the bear reached out and got me across the back with a big paw. I jumped to another tree and the bear fell. Then I woke.
After I woke up, I began to let go of that i-am-in-huge-hurry feeling. I feel back alseep and saw the black bear with her 2 cubs get into a cave with the grizzly male. He was mad and bit her and swung abiog paw at her, but she just went to the back of the cave and began to hibernate with him and her cubs. I began to think about the attck on me and to replay it. This time I tried to think about what I could have done differently. Maybe 2 shots to the head, but no, 2 in the heart or maybe have more shells or... but none of the scenarios invovled me not shoting the buck. Then I woke up again. Then I began to ask myself what the bear means, what it is to me or what part of me it is, but... I do not know.