Beginings

Why am I here doing this? To make friends? Support? A cry for help? To share?
Of course, to learn and grow, but... to learn what? The past 5 years has seen much inner reflection and retrospect. Lots of changing and growing and standing still in a raging river of emotions. Too much time and too little to do. Hurry up to go nowhere. It has been a long bardo. Is it even over? When exactly did it begin? One step forward, two steps back. Many walls and locked doors and empasses. Much nudging in a different direction and banging heads against the brick wall of rejection.
However, today is better day than this day last year and better than the one before that and... so next year will be even better... but before the past 5 years, life was as near to pefect as I have ever known. The best in my life, and , yet, not the best it could have been or hopefully, it will be.